a constant nudging to look behind me
i turn around and no one is there
i grow agitated at this invisible someone or something's unyielding attempts at getting me to turn away from my life and look in another direction.
like a detective, i find my way through all the clues
little bits of sadness
pulls of jealousy
sensations of falling into that void that isn't yet filled
memories remind me of better times
finding frustrations with the picture that i've painted
and i begin to find myself staring at me in the shadows.
me.
gently tapping.
constant nudging to turn away and look at who else i am.....at who else i was.
me.
in the shadows.
not living her full life.
ashamed she let those moments of bliss fall away
guilty that she isn't content with the moments that are hers now.
what do i do with this girl who beckons me towards a dreamy life?
is she calling me towards something more real than this life i live now?
can i trust her to lead me down the path towards my Self?
will she ever come out of the shadows?
can i bargain with her to join me now?
can i persuade her that now is enough?
do i follow her promises of bliss?
i turn back to my life now.
gentle tapping.
constant nudging.
i turn the volume down.
but i have looked.
i know she is there.
waiting.
beckoning.
i take a deep breath and push forward
learning to live with the nagging feeling that something else is out there for me.
or is it?
