Spiritual Undertow

2011-11-19T16:10:00.001-07:00

"Keep walking, though there's no place to get to.

Don't try to see through the distances.

That's not for human beings.

Move within,

but don't move the way fear makes you move."

~Rumi

Gentle Tapping

2011-09-01T11:16:00.004-06:00

a constant gentle tapping on my shoulder

a constant nudging to look behind me

i turn around and no one is there

i grow agitated at this invisible someone or something's unyielding attempts at getting me to turn away from my life and look in another direction.

like a detective, i find my way through all the clues

little bits of sadness

pulls of jealousy

sensations of falling into that void that isn't yet filled

memories remind me of better times

finding frustrations with the picture that i've painted

and i begin to find myself staring at me in the shadows.

me.

gently tapping.

constant nudging to turn away and look at who else i am.....at who else i was.

me.

in the shadows.

not living her full life.

ashamed she let those moments of bliss fall away

guilty that she isn't content with the moments that are hers now.

what do i do with this girl who beckons me towards a dreamy life?

is she calling me towards something more real than this life i live now?

can i trust her to lead me down the path towards my Self?

will she ever come out of the shadows?

can i bargain with her to join me now?

can i persuade her that now is enough?

do i follow her promises of bliss?

i turn back to my life now.

gentle tapping.

constant nudging.

i turn the volume down.

but i have looked.

i know she is there.

waiting.

beckoning.

i take a deep breath and push forward

learning to live with the nagging feeling that something else is out there for me.

or is it?

Love Letter

2011-07-07T20:52:00.003-06:00

i dreamt of you.

in the darkness you appeared

it felt out of no where and yet somehow

in the vastness of time and space

you found me.

i found you.

a forgotten connection pulled us together

and falling into our arms

i remembered us.

all this time

beyond this time

there will always be us.

you spoke what i couldn't face

what i felt i had to push away

out to the farthest reaches of my body space

you walked into me

and pushed what i already knew into the outside of me

and there i was exposed since the first time of our last goodbye

i finally saw me in you and you in me

as you wept for the pain of my choice that rippled us apart

leaving us to find our way back through lifetimes

years have passed and i felt nothing of the rift i created

how long have you been searching for me in the darkness of this life

only to wake me up to that pivotal moment in our journey

where after searching through the sands of time

we found each other.

my mission was lost when i slipped away a long time ago.

you found my shell

and i hid away from you and from me

the rest is history as i walked right past you into the rest of my life

on my great quest to find you

and i left you to search for me again

i had no idea until you appeared in the darkness

and revealed what i already knew deep inside

Receiving

2011-06-24T15:15:00.002-06:00

I recently taught a yoga class where I asked my students to explore their own yoga pose; to allow their bodies to speak their needs and to follow that guidance. Once they found their pose I asked if they could give their full awareness and presence to the pose so they could be open to the gifts that were present for them. Then I asked:

Can you RECEIVE these gifts?

It's one thing to notice the presence of gifts being offered whether it is being offered to you by someone else or whether something like nature or a simple yoga pose is offering the gift.

But CAN you receive?

Do you know you are important enough to receive the gifts?

What does it feel like to receive?

When someone gives you a compliment, do you allow yourself to receive it or to you bounce it off of you by shrugging it off with some comment like "Oh thanks so do you!" or "Oh this dress is so old" "Oh anyone can do it it's no big deal" etc. etc. etc ?

In bouncing off the compliment (gift) you turned back into the giver so ultimately you never received at all. In giving you maintain control because you get to decide and manage how much goes out of your floodgates. But what about when we open those gates fully to just receive? There is no control in how much comes to you. And odds are it might be more than you were prepared for or felt you deserved.

Are you love-able....enough?

How do you receive emotional support from others? Think of those times in your life when you felt emotionally raw and vulnerable. Were you able to receive support from those you love most? Did you even expose yourself completely and honestly so your loved ones could give you the full support you needed or did you downplay your emotions? Were you controlling how wide your gates opened?

How do you begin to receive? How do you begin to take yourself out of the driver's seat of giving, reliquish that control and allow the gifts to flood in to support you?

You deserve all those gifts that are just waiting for you to open the door to them....

......to pause......

..... and to just say "Thank You."

Gather the courage to open the gates. Open your heart....to your Self.

The gifts may feel uncomfortable at first. The rush of the flood may feel overwhelming...maybe even heart-stopping. Your chest may tighten and breath may come short. Your urge may be to react in an act of preservation to control what is coming to you.

Start small. Allow little bits in until you find a sense of acceptance that these gifts are here for YOU to receive. Bring yourself into conscious awareness of when these gifts are presented to you. Notice what comes up for you in your body, your mind, your emotions, your energy.

PAUSE.

TAKE A BREATH.

MAKE A NEW CHOICE.

Open the flood gates.

Take a step back.

Open your heart.

And RECEIVE.

Riding the waves

2011-06-16T12:57:00.005-06:00

it's not okay anymore

to sway back and forth

according to someone else's tide.

i've been drifting away for far too long.

those moments where i thought i was anchored~

futile attempts at acceptance~

where the water was like glass and i felt like i was still

but i was still adrift.

a storm comes and i roll with it.

i topple over.

i drown.

i gasp for air

and grasp for light.

i return to the surface only to get pushed down again

this isn't my ride.

i feel despair in myself when i can't keep my head above their waters

my legs kick as if my life depends on it

why is this not enough?

i'm tired of pretending to be responsible for another's emotional experience.

to join in on the tossling of their energies

and to think for a second that it's somehow mine too

an arrogant thought that perhaps my presence alone can take on some of the brutish ways of their waves

that in this action i provide a drop of relief in their sea of unsettling.

it's time for me to dive below the surface of the waves coming at me from this way and that

move deep enough to gain a sense of my own surface of glass

where other's waves dissipate into small ripples that eventually fade before finding their way to my center

it's time i let go of my need to endure another's rocky waters

and find acceptance with the me who isn't sinking under another's view of me

it's time i release the need to feel like i am only valuable when i am swimming for my life in another's storm

other's waves may try to come and find me

and i will fight like hell to not be swept out to their sea

i sense some angry storms from those who relied on me to be there

to take on their energy surges

i'm diving deep into myself and will learn to find my worth there in that place

it feels lonely and unacknowledged by vast seas that are searching for me

but i am hiding from them now

and finding myself

and this is enough.

2011-06-14T22:02:00.002-06:00

i thought it was under control

all pushed down for no one to see

not even me

a delicate plan to not care

an intricate strategy to stay on course.

today an earthquake ripped through the center of my soul.

a crevice so vast I feared it's edges.

i was standing far enough away but I had no idea of what was to come

what felt like a slight shake slowly built...and built...

i thought i had it all under control

without warning

the crevice opened as if it were looking for me..to swallow me whole.

i was found.

i slipped.

clawing at the edges that i once feared and praying they would save me now

i fell.

something tore me apart that night.

unable to withstand my delicate plan, my soul shook under the pressure

and the weight of it all revealed the truth

down in my dark abyss

i fell.

along the way

i cried.

moving through a backwards timeline i relived the truth

and i saw with tear filled eyes.

a trembling in my bones led me to the beginning.

a house.

a window.

a connection to a soul who wandered away.

realizing where the tremors began so long ago

i cried.

five.

that's when i lost him.

my switch flipped

i turned off.

waiting at the window for him to come again

i remained.

off.

untying the ribbons that bound our souls

i moved with gratitude.

and cried with sadness.

climbing through the darkness

i spin.

off my axis.

my delicate plan has lost its gravitational pull

and i wonder where am i going?

It's time...

2011-05-30T09:41:00.010-06:00

....to dive a little deeper....

It's been almost 2 years since i last posted anything on my blog...in fact, it's been almost 2 years since i opened my blog to the public.

a lot happens in two years.

what has happened in your world the past two years?

even if your external world looks the same,

there must have been something that sent your internal world on a quest to find your Self... even more.
it's inevitable.

we are changing.

i needed these last two years to come closer to my Self.

and i feel i have made a success out of my journey...so far.

i am ready to share my own triumphs and revelations again.

it's time for me.....to dive a little deeper...

our lives are all different but i believe there is a common thread that connects us all.....

we are all striving towards a sense of happiness, contentment, peace.

and.... it's not "out there"....

it's a journey only to be discovered from within.

see for yourself...

so where are you in your spiritual undertow?

Or are you still waiting ashore?

no better time than NOW.....

time to take that leap....

back into the undertow....

So what is the spiritual undertow? its finding that current that resonates with who you are. this current is strong and may take you away faster than your prepared for. but once it finds you....once you find you....you will be swept away into your vast potential... dont be scared if you look back and find that have been separated from all others who gave you a name. dont be scared when, in a panic, you try to swim back to the place where your feet could touch the sand bar that you thought was the ocean floor. it was an illusion. you cant touch this floor. you just have to believe that it is there. you dont get to see what is waiting for you in your depths, it will come upon you just when you thought you knew......And as you bob up and down wondering when you will arrive?- you wont even notice that you are being carried by your own destiny currents....and every wave along the way is a ripple from that butterfly far far away...... and every storm comes from your own imagination- so you dont get too comfortable in your view..... dont try to touch the bottom.....you may find its not there..... dive under and open your eyes to see what will be your next obstacle....at your own risk.....is it better to know?.....or to wait?...find your comfort in the stars as they shine pin points of light in the darkest of waters. and remember that even the sun can hurt you if you find its rays comforting for too long. and how hard will you laugh when all this time you have been cursing the gods for not sending you rain to quench your thirst - and you realize you have been surrounded by abundant waters all along?.... its the ultimate balancing act. dont swim too hard. dont stop swimming. find the current to keep moving forward. how do you know when you're off course? this is the spiritual undertow. do you have courage to swim past those buoys to find your spiritual undertow? and now that you know its out there- can you stay ashore pretending that yours isnt waiting for you?

the tree in fall

2011-05-30T09:23:00.003-06:00

i was the tree in fall

bright, vivid, beautiful.

i was the tree in fall

yielding to the adventure of the seasons' change.

i was the tree in fall

standing strong in my conviction to take the step others feared to take

i was the tree in fall

watching the others drop their leaves on at a time.

i wondered if it was their fear of shedding completely

or a savoring of what was and no longer wants to be.

i wanted my moment to be beautiful and dramatic....

proof that i was here and i was alive.

i was the tree in fall

yellow, shining as if i were the sun.

in a moment i chose my dance

my bright, vivid, beautiful leaves shimmering.

in a moment i let them all go.

i was the tree in fall

and i was beautiful in my moment of fall.

my yellow, shining leaves danced around me

as they all fell to a green yet chilled ground....

all falling to find their new place as my old life.

i stood as the tree in fall

with leaves bright, vivid, beautiful showering my view

as i stood on the edge of my seasons' change.

i was the tree in fall

beautiful falling leaves as the children danced in my bright vividness.

my yellow shining leaves were my glory

and my moment was glorious.

i was the tree in fall whose beauty for turning and letting go was noticed....

and then forgotten once my soul was bare and vulnerable.

my dance was over.

my moment decaying on the green yet chilled ground around me.

i was the tree in fall

who feared the unknown storms to come.

i was the tree in fall

who wondered when my beauty would return to my bare and vulnerable branches.

spring is on the horizon

my soul waking from its' dormant slumber.

how many winters have past since my beautiful dance among my yellow, shining leaves...

when i knew i was the sun?

i wonder if i am the tree in fall

whose buds will bloom in spring....

nature's trusted dance.

will i be bright, vivid, beautiful again....

yellow, shining, knowing...

i am the sun.

Do-Over.

2009-11-15T13:04:00.005-07:00

If I could do it all over again, I would have nourished myself more. I wouldn't have worried so much about what others thought of me or if what I was doing would help me to fit in more. I would have paid attention to what makes me happy and continued to seek those things without letting dramas get in the way of my own needs. I would have stopped letting my persona drive the boat. I would have taken care of myself from the inside out without wondering who was watching or who I could impress. I would have stopped comparing myself to others a long time ago and let myself just....enjoy myself. I would have identified all those little things that made me smile and made them sacred and not disposable for anyone. I would have slowed down and not be so quick to get my next high by throwing my reality into chaos. I would have made more calculated moves and not just acted on my feeling states...which always proved to be unreliable. I would have loved my body enough to take the time to really care for it. I would have put more value into those things that took time to cultivate and learned what it felt like to move through a process that didn't always produce immediate rewards instead of just quiting when things didn't come easily. I would have made a pact with myself that quality is more important than quantity and to live strictly by those terms. I would have treated myself better instead of putting everyone else first. I would have made my spiritual relationship with the universe higher than any other relationship in my life. I would have let go of other's judgements about me and therefore let go of judging others. I would have stopped waiting for permission to have fun. I would have made sure my time alone was treasured time instead of dreaded time.

All in all, I would have made sure I practiced being happy and content every day to ensure I would arrive there in the future.

2009-09-20T08:12:00.000-06:00

"There's an expression in the physical environment that you use to entertain each other. (it doesn't serve you very well) that says, "I worry that I'll go down to the dock, and that my ship will have already come and gone. I'll miss my boat." And we say, another boat, another boat, another boat. You have no idea how many boats are coming to your dock. It's a steady stream, and it doesn't matter how many of them you've missed. The only thing that matters is what are you doing right now in your vibration? And you can tell what you're doing right now in your vibration by the way you feel."

--- Abraham

My Girl.

2009-09-03T20:05:00.011-06:00

I remember the day i knew i needed you. I was camping. Out of the blue, I knew I needed to find you. I went home and I looked for you. A needle in a haystack. I showed up. I was told of your story. You came into this world tragically and miraculously. Your mom was sick while she was pregnant with you and your siblings. Someone found her on the brink of death. She was nursed back to health to have her babies. They all died except for you. You hung on...for me. You knew I would come find you. You spent your first 3 months in a room by yourself with your caretaker nursing you back to health. It's no coincidence that you were pure white. Angelic. Pure. And beautiful. I wanted a kitten that purred. The others didnt purr. You did. That was your selling point. I took you home. The first night you purred so loud in my ear that I couldnt sleep all night. Instead of loving you I tried to give you back fearing I was too impulsive in taking you home. I was told to wait the weekend out. I did. I tried to not bond with you. Convinced I would return you. But the moment you cuddled up to me while I watched a movie, I knew we were partners to the end. I remember shortly thereafter, i felt your saddness. You missed the woman who cared for you for those first few months....your "mom". Listening to you, and questioning if I was crazy in doing this, I wrote her a letter...from you. A letter of gratitude that you needed to make sure she received. That's the kind of Girl you were. I sent it. I never felt that saddness again...you let go and we moved forward. The original name I gave you never stuck. You never listened. You didn't like it. So Girl you became. Among many other names that evolved over time. I think you liked it that way.....you felt special. I remember when you brought a bird in the house. Tiki knew you were in trouble and he totally ratted you out. You never liked being in trouble and did everything in your power to keep everyone around you happy. And you did. What I remember most about you was your innate desire to be outside communing with nature...even if dogs did chase you up trees. You would come inside with oil stains all over the top of your back and dirty paws. You had a lot of baths that you never enjoyed. But you still went back out and got dirty again...because it was your joy. You were so fearless in your pure white coat and sweet demeanor. Oh you were so sweet. You would never hurt a fly. I remember the day my life took a turn, a major relationship was going to end that day. I didn't know it. But you did. I woke up to you laying on my heart...your purr resonating through my chest....preparing my heart chakra....letting me know i was going to be okay. You were a little healer. I remember the aftermath. Days upon days...years of finding myself again. You were there every day...reminding me with that purr that i wasn't alone. Your unconditional love kept my spirit alive even if i did just have to dive into your belly and cry. You never faltered. I can still hear your chirps and meows and your purr. Oh how i miss your purr. When I was pregnant, I knew how excited you were to be a little mama. But I think we both knew a storm was coming. I tried to stop it. I would wake in the middle of the night with massive anxiety about you. I would hear the coyotes outside and I would hate them...not knowing why. Our last year was hard on you and I. You always showed up and I tried as best I could to be the other half of the US that we used to be. I failed miserably. Our last day was so stressful and I wasn't there for you like I wanted to be. But you were there. Of course you were. You were my Girl. I woke up to you laying next to me. I remember. I hope you know that. I found you a good home. It was the least I could do. I don't know how, but in the last second, I manifested a home that I knew you would be okay in. I wish I would have spent more time with you...saying goodbye. With all the years between us, it was the least I could have done. But I didnt. It was too hard to say goodbye. So I shut you out and trusted that you would have good years ahead of you. You had 6 more months. I thought about you often. My feet would search for you at the foot of the bed every night. My heart would ache knowing you werent there. I just thought I would see you again....that I would have you back. I was in denial. I found out what happened to you. A wave of emotions struck me and it was hard to go on. I questioned if I could. But then someone said something profound and I knew it was you speaking to me when i was told "This was the only way Girl knew how to be close to you." You and I...to the end. You are so vivid to me now. Like I could just reach out and touch you. Looking back, I am Awakened now...because of you. I struggled with how you left....but I know you wouldnt have had it any other way...fearless and always giving of yourself. I hope you have found your cat mama whereever you are....and your brothers and sisters. You deserved to go home....I just wish it wasn't so soon. When I think back to our time together, I remember always feeling a sense of panic and anxiety over you...like there was this part of you that I was always trying to reign in...and you just wanted to go go go....go where?....home perhaps. You stayed because of me. I wouldn't have survived those years without you. When I realized I would never see you again, it was then that i knew it wasn't you who needed me...it was me who needed you. It's really hard to imagine that your little pink paws aren't frolicking on this earth anymore. I know Mother Earth bowed down to you when you passed.....bowed down in gratitude for being the best little being there ever was. It makes me sad to think that I am one of the only ones holding your memories. I don't want your memory to die too. And I wont let it. You have given me an intention to serve your community...to serve the very place that saved you for me. I planted a garden in honor of you and it's growing beautifully...as you are. You will be a regular character in our goodnight stories.....our fairy Girl frolicking frolicking frolicking with beautiful wings so you can fly fly fly and chase your butterflies....our fairy Girl...who sleeps on our chests and heals our hearts. I pray with all my being that I get to see you again...nuzzle my face in your fur. You are on your journey now. I know you are destined for an even greater experience. Up Up Up you will keep going Up. High High High. High in the sky you go. Thank you Girl for the best love and the best purr ever known. It was such an honor to walk this earth with you my friend. Love Love Love....

In honor of you ....Lady Tady. Ms. Lou Who. Girl....

Prreeeetttttyyyy Giiiirrrllll. My prreetttttyyyy Giirrrrlllllll. Yoooouuuurrr the ppreettiiest giirll in the woooooorrrlllddd. mmyyy preeetttyyyyy giiirrrrllll.

A Note From The Universe

2009-09-03T19:52:00.001-06:00

"Do you know why dogs are so quick to wag their tails and cats are so quick to purr? Even the ones that have been lonely, abused, and betrayed?

Because, as is true of all animals, they were instilled with the distant awareness that no matter what the world shows them, they're still deeply loved and needed, that their presence alone has made a difference, and that in just the shake of a leg, seemingly without reason or rhyme, everything can FANTASTICALLY change for the better.

As is true of all people, except sometimes they tend to forget.

Purrfectly,
The Universe"

www.tut.com

2009-08-14T14:59:00.001-06:00

"Your life is right now! It's not later! It's not in that time of retirement. It's not when the lover gets here. It's not when you've moved into the new house. It's not when you get the better job. Your life is right now. It will always be right now. You might as well decide to start enjoying your life right now, because it's not ever going to get better than right now--until it gets better right now!" ~ Abraham

2009-07-20T20:42:00.002-06:00

"You can't feel others pushing you.

You can only feel yourself pushing back."

~The Sedona Method

Tractors

2009-07-18T22:38:00.000-06:00

My Little Roommate

2009-07-11T15:35:00.017-06:00

Every once in a while I have this realization that I have this little man digging through my cupboards and yelling his own version of the word Dad ("DA!") or Mom ("MAMAMAMAMAMA"). I happen to find LITTLE pieces of evidence throughout the day that remind me that I am housing, feeding, and ...oh, yeah... RAISING a little....being.

Exhibit A

There are these moments throughout the day where i chuckle to myself about how I have a little mini me in this world.

And sometimes I am astonished at how much he resembles his Dad.

I didn't even know robes came in little man size.

I like being reminded by these LITTLE traces of my little soul wandering around my house. Literally taking his first steps....taking a quantum leap in his own body, in his own confidence, in his own movement forward into his future.

He might be a little man...but he is already learning the art of scaling walls.

There is no little thing that get's overlooked...especially Mother Earth.

He is little. And he takes some big falls. But he practices every day on getting back up again.

In his little world, he doesn't sweat the small stuff.

But sometimes it's the little things that matter most.

He is wise enough to know when to ask for a little help...

...And when to do it his own little way...

He has plenty of little reasons to let his big achievements go to his head...

But he sure doesn't mind doing his little part to keep it real.

It's no big thing really. He's a little guy just generally enjoying himself and having a good time.

2009-07-10T22:49:00.002-06:00

"Begin today to develop the habit of focusing on the consequences of all your beliefs. Are they strengthening your foundation by moving you to action in the direction you desire or are they holding you back?" ~ Anthony Robbins "Awaken the Giant Within"

Joy comes in bulk.

2009-06-18T15:56:00.001-06:00

So when was the last time I posted multiple posts in a row? Like eons ago! But I am feeling inspired so we won't question it...we will just go with it!

I had the best grocery shopping experience ever the other day! First off, I went with my husband who is a really fun person to grocery shop with. He is really good at doing math in his head and can figure out what products give you the most for your money....he is like a human calculator. Second, he is a bargain shopper and that always inspires me to look for the best deals...because that is kind of like free money in its own way. Third, he is just fun and jonah loves it when his dad spins him around in the cart and chases mom down the isles.

So off to Good Earth we went...(the natural food store in town). We headed straight to their bulk section and spent some good time in there while sipping on our blackberry jamba smoothie. After walking out of there, we realized we had everything we needed (other than produce which we get at a produce stand on the way home). As we piled our food on the conveyor belt...i was grinning from ear to ear! No boxes! No sweets! Only bags and bags of organic bulk grains, flour, sugar, beans, nuts and coffee! I was proud. This food will last us for weeks....quinoa, black eyed peas, black beans, homemade pizza, rice....wholesome, cheap, and homemade.

Speaking of homemade pizza....for Jonah's first birthday I made me and dad some homemade spinach and mushroom pizza with homemade pizza sauce to boot! With my new kitchen aid mixer, it makes kneading pizza dough seem like child's play. I have been experimenting with different doughs...this dough is wheat flour, but I have also been using spelt which is equally delicious...that is if you don't mind having to add some honey to the ultra thick pizza crust! And instead of mozzarella (which I hope to someday be able to make from scratch as well) I used parmesan cheese. mmmmmm.....

Check out this majestic masterpiece!

2009-06-17T21:12:00.000-06:00

For anyone in need of some pics for their vision board of a majestic home that they would like to manifest in their future...check out this blog...and you might just manifest your very own mattress protector while your at it!

dreamy...

Strawberry Heaven

2009-06-17T07:51:00.000-06:00

This whole stay-at-home-mom thing is starting to have it's effect on me by creating some new and sometimes unexpected habits.

Well the first new habit that comes to mind is my child's desire to awake at 5am every morning for the past 2 weeks. This is causing mom to become a morning person for better or for worse! By the time 9am roles around, it feels like it should be lunch time already. Let's just say I am still adjusting.

The other new habit being created (and this one kind of excites me!) is that I am actually starting to enjoy cooking again! YAY! I seriously thought the wind was permantently gone from my sails when it came to cooking. I gave up trying to love it and questioned why anyone else would love it. Granted, when you are single, cooking can be laborious...and for what really? Well now that I have Jonah, it is of the utmost importance to me to feed him whole foods and locally grown.

So when I had the chance to go with some friends to a local farm and pick strawberries....well I wasn't going to pass that up!

This was Jonah's first experience with strawberries. I thought he wouldn't have any interest so I tried keeping him in his stroller while i gathered the berries. But after a few minutes I looked over at him and found him sliding out of his stroller! I plopped him in the dirt to play with his friend Ty...and that worked for a while....

Eventually Jonah's curiousity got the best of him and he found his first RED treasure! Oh he just had to put this thing in his mouth to test it out...

Then it was all over from there as this was apparently the best thing he had ever tasted in his WHOLE life! He started picking every strawberry he could find....

and shoving them in his mouth!

He just couldn't stop himself!

He was so focused on finding strawberries that he didn't even notice that he stood up all by himself for the first time!

While Jonah was in his own heaven, I found the most heavenly perfect strawberry there ever was!

Only to turn around and catch Ty and Jonan RED HANDED eating all the strawberries out of my strawberry bucket!

It was a great day and Jonah fell asleep on the ride home with strawberry dreams...

We are enjoying our 7 lbs of strawberries!

My Little Man....almost 1yr old!!!

2009-05-31T20:10:00.000-06:00

Momentous Day

2009-05-27T20:45:00.000-06:00

Today is worth remembering and recording for the history books.

Today Rahu leaves my chart (or something like that). For a simplistic explanation of what Rahu does or what Rahu means I will just quote (summarize) my astrologer: "Rahu is the planet of illusion and dellusion. You cannot count on anything..it can and will change from minute to minute. This can affect career, living situation, health, money....you name it. But I will give you a light at the end of the tunnel. Rahu will shift gears in your chart on May 27th, 2009. But until then, starting on May 1st 2007, hold on...you're going for a ride."

A ride....yeah that is putting it lightly. May 1st, 2007 I met my soon-to-be husband who happened to not live in the same state as me...so we met in the middle...Boulder, CO. Hence move #1. We fell in love and decided to get engaged 3 months later. 3 months after that my career takes us to Portland, OR for move #2. So with a new career I begin my Oregon journey only to soon find out we were expecting Jonah Roo. After we settle in to our new life...getting married along the way.....my husbands career goes through unimaginable ups and downs (like..."you've got to be f-ing kidding me" kind of ups and downs). Finally his career takes him to Utah (move #3) causing me to leave my job (and my cats) and stay home with Jonah. We move in to our new home thinking "Okay...this is it. we are HOME." Only to realize that our neighborhood was a little too shady for our comfort zone. So we found a new place to live...and guess what? The last day of Rahu in my chart is the day that I am packing to move into my new house (3 months after we just moved).

For 2 years Rahu has maintained a level of chaos in my life that was quite unimaginable until I actually lived it. I am here to say that I did survive Rahu. Somedays were questionable. I wouldn't necessarily invite Rahu back in to my life for another 2 year stay...although I must say...I have a wonderful life now. My little snowglobe-of-a-life got shaken up pretty good. The flakes are finally settling and I am so looking forward to the most boring life there ever was.

THE END

OF RAHU.

THE BEGINNING...

2009-05-15T17:15:00.001-06:00

"My work is deeply fulfilling....

Today I give my best to that which I do, knowing that when one experience is complete, I am led to even more fulfilling and rewarding experiences." Louise L. Hay

Mother Earth Day

2009-04-22T18:38:00.000-06:00

"The planet is some kind of organized intelligence. It's very different from
us. It's had 5- or 6-billion years to create a slow moving mind that is
made of oceans, and rivers, and rainforests, and glaciers. It's becoming
aware of us, as we are becoming aware of it, strangely enough.

"Two less likely members of a relationship can hardly be imagined -- the
technological apes and the dreaming planet. And yet, because the life of
each depends on the other, [we have] a feeling towards this immense,
strange, wise, old, neutral, weird thing, and it is trying to figure out why
its dreams are so tormented and why everything is out of balance."
- Terence McKenna

Turning the Page...

2009-04-11T21:15:00.000-06:00

i haven't written a post in a long while. i keep pulling up my blog thinking i am ready to write something and then too much floods to the surface and i go blank. strange how that happens. and then i have begun to ponder if i should even keep this blog going...or perhaps start a new one?..a fresh lens to peer through...a new window to peer through....what do i see....

.....a beautiful castle.....a strange land.....uncertain surroundings.....dreamy backdrop....a traveling circus....animal-free zone.....sunny days....a go-cart.....seedling friendships.....a budding community.....a morphing identity.....a new role.....a crawling little being....a re-connected connection....

i wonder how i came to exist behind this glass. how did it all change so fast? so fast i had little time to react....there was little time to hold on....and now here i sit in a reality created by me...the artist. every little piece i dreamed of in some past daydream and now i sit among it all. it's not without its sacrifies. sacrifies for a life where i can be more of who i am in my ever changing scenes. sacrifices....

....there are still moments in the day that haunt me. my feet under the blanket searches for that warm purr. i lay quietly in bed listening for their scurrying about. no greeting at the top of the stairs.....that unconditional furry love.....

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." ~Ferris Bueller

i look at my life as it were a book....made up of a beginning, an ending, and chapters in between...characters....and an author of course. the new chapter i have embarked upon is one that i hoped would come...one that i have been in anticipation to write. and the chapter that ended is full of happy endings and gratitude for having been able to create such a beautiful tangent.

a new page has turned...this one...a traveling circus....a beautiful castle in a strange land...morphing identity....more blank pages to create. i think there is a good story waiting to be written. stay tuned. i will do my best to stop and look around once in a while to share as i peer out through this glass.

2009-01-06T23:50:00.001-07:00

Excerpt from "Money and the Law of Attraction" The Teachings of Abraham:

" Time to tell a New Story

My Old Story is about....
- things that have gone wrong
-things that arent the way I want them to be or think they should be
-others who have let me down
-others who have not been truthful to me
-not enough money
-not enough time -how things usually are
-how things have been all my life
-how things have been lately
-others who just dont understand
-others who dont make an effort
-worry about my health

My New story is about...
-the positive aspects of my current subject of attention
-the way I really want things to be
-how well things are going
-how the law of attraction is the true manager of all things
-abundance flows abundantly
-how time is perceptual and endless
-the best things i see
-my favorite memories
-the obvious expansion of my life
-the amazing or interesting or wonderful aspects of my world
-the incredible variety that surrounds me
-the willingness and effectiveness of so many
-the power of my own thoughts
-the positive aspects of my own body
-the stable basis of my new body
-how we all create our own reality
-my absolute freedom and my joyous awareness of it."

2008-12-18T14:56:00.000-07:00

"We each must become like fishermen, and go out onto the dark ocean of
mind, and let your nets down into that sea.

"And what you're after is not some behemoth that will tear through your

nets, foul them, and drag you and your little boat into the abyss. Nor
are
what we looking for a bunch of sardines, that can slip through your net

and disappear, ideas like 'have you ever noticed that your little
finger
exactly fits your nostril' and stuff like that.

"What we are looking for are middle-sized ideas that are not so small
that
they are trivial, and not so large that they are incomprehensible, but
middle-sized ideas that we can wrestle into our boat and take back to
the
folks on shore, and have fish dinner.

"And everyone of us, this is what we should be looking for. It's not
for
your elucidation, it's not part of your self-directed psychotherapy;
you are
an explorer, and you represent our species.

"And the greatest good you can do is to bring back a new idea, because
our world is endangered by the absence of good ideas. Our world is in
crisis because of the absence of consciousness.

"And so, to whatever degree, any one of us can bring back a small piece

of the picture, and contribute it to the building of the new paradigm.
Then we participate in the redemption of the human spirit."

- Terence McKenna

Q&A on another way to perceive your reality...

2008-12-14T21:26:00.000-07:00

This is an excerpt taken from the book by Rob Brezny: *PRONOIA IS  THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA: How the  Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings*

"Dear Beauty and Truth Laboratory: Help! My old Buick's transmission is   dead, my credit cards are   maxed, my kid's got to see the    dentist real  bad,  and the       one-speed bike I ride everywhere is about to collapse. I'm  working  two low-paying jobs already,     although I just applied for a more  lucrative  gig as a strip-club  dancer, only I'm having so much    mysterious pain in  my  joints   I'm not sure how sexy my gyrations will be. Please clue me in to    some tricks that will help me keep a pronoiac attitude in the midst of  the  mess that is my life.    —Pickled"

Dear Pickled: Here's the first    thing I want to tell you: Pronoia does  not  assume that material   comfort is a sign of divine favor. The universe is  an  equal-      opportunity provider, conspiring  to shower blessings on every one   of us in the same abundance. But while the blessings may come in   the  form of money and possessions, they're just as likely to       consist of  other  gifts that     aren't as concrete.

Here's a hypothetical example. Let's say you have the gift of       feeling  at  home in the world no matter where you are. The universe has determined  that it's the    exact skill you need in order to  fulfill the specific  purpose you  came to earth to carry out.      Having a prestigious job and big  salary, on  the  other hand, might be exactly what you don't need.   The question of what gifts are   essential revolves around your    precise  role  in the universal   conspiracy to perpetrate blessings.

The second meditation I'll offer  you is a passage from the Gospel  of  Matthew: "Whoever has, shall  be given more and more, while     whoever has  nothing, even what he has will be taken away from him."   Pronoiac translation: Whatever you choose to focus your attention on,  you will get more of it. If you often think of everything you lack and  how  sad you are that   you don't have it, you will tend  to receive prolific  evidence of  how true that is. As you obsess on all the ways your life  is       different from what you wish it   would be, you will become an      expert in  rousing feelings of    frustration and you will attract  experiences that  assist  you in  rousing frustration.

If, on the other hand, you dwell  on the good things you have       already  had  the privilege to    experience, you will expand your appreciation for  their  blessings, which in turn will amplify their beneficent impact on your  life.  You will also magnetize yourself  to receive further good things,   making  it  more likely that they will be attracted into your sphere. At the very  least,  you will   get in the habit of enjoying      yourself no matter what the       outward  circumstances are.   Bear in mind that you are a great     wizard. You can use your powers to  practice white magic on yourself instead of the other kind. The   most  basic  way to do that is to concentrate on naming, savoring, and feeling  gratitude for the     blessings you do have—your love   for your kid, the  pleasures of   eating the food you like, the     sight of the sky at dusk,  the    entertaining drama of your unique fate.

Don't ignore the bad stuff, but   make a point of celebrating the beautiful stuff with all the        exuberant devotion you can        muster."

2008-11-28T14:03:00.000-07:00

"There are no extra pieces in the universe. Everyone is here because he or she has a place to fill, and every piece must fit itself into the big jigsaw puzzle."

- Deepak Chopra

2008-11-27T12:41:00.000-07:00

"The reason that ego and love are not compatible comes down to this: you cannot take your ego into the unknown, where love wants to lead. If you follow love, your life will become uncertain, and the ego craves certainty."

- Deepak Chopra

Note From The Universe

2008-11-25T23:32:00.000-07:00

"Be selfish for a moment and think of something material that you want... something fantastic, something awesome, something wonderful.
Now, double it. Whatever it is you want, think of owning two of them. They're yours free and clear. Think of the implications their possession would have on your life. What would your neighbors say? Where would you keep them? What colors would you choose, what dimensions, what characteristics?

Okay, you're about to receive a third one, more than you could possibly use (at the moment), so who would you give it to? How would you tell them? What would their reaction be? Would you be able to help them take ownership? Would you be there to facilitate the transition, if necessary? What would your friends and family say about your generosity? Would you do it again? If so, for whom?

This exercise has now concluded. Drop it from your thinking. Resume enjoying the here and now, because it's the only place happiness resides, and every so often, as your mind wanders to thoughts of the above, smile with gratitude.

Choices, choices, choices,
The Universe"

www.tut.com

What Changes After Having A Baby?

2008-11-25T23:11:00.000-07:00

I recently found this article and felt it was spot on....so right on that I was moved to share it.

Things that change when you have a baby
by Rebecca Woolf

1. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.

2. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid.

3. The sacrifices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrifices.

4. You respect your body ... finally.

5. You respect your parents and love them in a new way.

6. You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own.

7. You believe once again in the things you believed in as a child.

8. You lose touch with the people in your life whom you should have banished years ago.

9. Your heart breaks much more easily.

10. You think of someone else 234,836,178,976 times a day.

11. Every day is a surprise.

12. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you. (Hooray for poop!)

13. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself.

14. You become a morning person.

15. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power.

...and a few of my own additions to this list...

16. Your own sense of mortality becomes heightened for the sheer reason that you cannot imagine leaving your child behind.

17. Suddenly the words "recycle" and "global warming" have new meaning and urgency to them.

18. You can't turn away from the stories of mother's and babies struggling on the other side of the globe...without crying.

19. You would rather save your money for new toys than for that new outfit you wanted.

20. The idea of getting up in the middle of the night for years to come is much worse than the real reality .... its easy to wake up and soothe your baby.

21. You now know why people with kids always talk about their kids.

22. It's true what they say...the newborn stage IS the easiest stage. It's all uphill from there.

23. You actually contemplate using the cry-it-out method even though you swore you would never be THAT parent.

24. They do grow up fast...faster than you can keep up with.

25. You find yourself looking at pictures of your baby while your feeding your baby.

Birthday Shout Out!

2008-10-23T23:46:00.000-06:00

Happy Birthday Grandpa!!! Love, Jonah!

Hey Dick! Have a great Birthday!! We are looking forward to your visit!!

Grocery Shopping

2008-10-23T21:28:00.000-06:00

I saw this on another blog that I enjoy perusing...and I thought I would try it in my own life. This is all coming from a book called "Hungry Planet"....which is a book I have yet to read BUT i still found it fascinating to look at photos of what other families around the world are eating and how much they are eating each week! I couldn't wait to take a photo of what my family eats each week (as if I don't already know)!

How much food does my family eat in a week?

The biggest observation is the lack of veggies. This photo is not a totally fair representation of what we eat because at the time of taking the photo, we were buying our fruits and veggies from a local farmers market...and the night of shopping..we didn't go to the market. But there are a few veggies in the photo to "represent". Another thing that has recently changed in my diet is eliminating dairy and soy (due to possible intolerance issues for our son while breastfeeding). We are substituting with Rice Milk. Also, we do eat more grains (quinoa, bulgar wheat, lentils, rice) each week than is represented in the photo as well.

We shop mostly at Trader Joe's.....LOVE THEM! This grocery run in particular cost around $55. And our veggies at the market cost around $12-$15 each week. I am always very satisfied when I look at the receipt and all it says is $2.99 $1.99 for EVERY item. We LOVE the pizza dough from Trader Joe's and do lots of fun things with it each week...and they have GREAT rice chips!

Overall, I really do love the way my family eats. My husband is a vegan and I am a vegetarian. Our goal is to have very little to no boxed and canned foods. We also strive to eat very little sugar. To get our fix, every once in a while my husband will make scones (with more oats than flour and very little sugar) or we will make fruit smoothies or slushy limeades. Animal crackers are a great way to satisfy the sugar cravings as well. My recent indulgence and addiction has been peanutbutter and honey on toast (my comfort food). However, I may have to cut out peanuts from my diet if baby Jonah doesn't start feeling better. And today I had to say goodbye to my morning coffee as well. Let's just say...mom is sad.

So I encourage you to take a photo of the food you eat in a week! It's pretty cool to see what you eat from that perspective. And you may even see what you are missing in your diet from this perspective (or what you are eating too much of!).

Keeping It Magical

2008-10-16T22:58:00.000-06:00

Okay so my 31 day blog-athon isn't working out so well. But I am blogging more than i have in the past...so I would say this is a success in its own right. You can't go from zero to one hundred in the blink of an eye! But you sure can keep your eye on the prize and keep working towards it!

Another success that I have been working on daily is running. Yep it's back to the exercise grind. But my goal is to LOVE it...and the only way to LOVE exercise is to get into the habit of doing it ...to the point of CRAVING it. And I would say it's starting to happen for me...not without a lot of "I dont wanna's" in the mix. I mentioned in a previous "Re-engage Blog" a few tips on how to get started. I implemented some of my own tips on my very own "Re-engaging" project. Here is what I did:

1) I happen to have a husband who is a professional athlete and a best friend who is a marathoner. Perfect. 2 people who could have easily laughed at my 1.5 mile runs. But they didn't (thanks guys). Instead they shared with me how it is they get out every day and....TRAIN! "You have to exercise even when your body hurts or doesn't feel good. You have to learn to push through it." "You can't think about putting your running shoes on and walking out the door. You have to stay focused on how you will feel when you are finished with your run." I took all their advice to heart...and I recite it every day in my head....and it helps!

2) I bought a running magazine to enhance my knowledge base around the sport. I can't say that it helped in a direct way..but it was a step in the right direction of just inundating my conscious reality of what I was desiring.

3)I did buy some new running shoes. I bought them and then didnt use them for a while. I was still toying with the idea of running in my head...but it was nice to know that I had what I needed when I was ready to begin.

4)I am allowing myself to exercise with other people here and there to switch it up, learn something new, and just to have company to share my activity with.

4) And here is the fun part. I started using some new tools that I have never used before to enhance my running. I stepped it up a notch (thanks to my husband who has geeky athletic gear). Not only do I have a heart rate monitor BUT I have a neat graph and map that goes with it! Check it out:

So the question is: How can you keep re-engaging magical on a daily basis?

Daily Magical Tip #1: Track your progress! Find your own way to monitor yourself. This brings awareness to what you are doing daily and it keeps you curious about what tomorrow will look like! This is a great way to stay motivated. In other words, observe yourself. Watch yourself ebb and flow...see your patterns...what makes you succeed and what makes you turn away from success? Learn to see and know what motivates you and what doesnt...and find where you have the power to influence positive changes. Create new patterns.

Oh and another thing I am learning about re-engaging...

On the days you consciously say to yourself "I don't want to do this today" (and you are bound to have a few of those days)...PUSH THROUGH IT. Accept that it's gonna hurt that day...or that you won't feel inspired or creative that day but you do it anyway. Maybe you don't participate in Re-engaging "full out"...but instead you re-engage for 15mins or whatever it takes to just get you to show up and punch the clock. This is success. Sometimes the point of THAT day is just to keep in your routine and maintain your habit of re-engaging....expect nothing more than that on those days. Show up! Try it...you will see!!

Seattle or Bust!

2008-10-14T22:28:00.000-06:00

Seattle was so fun! The weather was PERFECT! Sunny, blue skies! I wish we had another day to explore Seattle's downtown. It has an awesome urban vibe and fisherman's wharf ambiance.

We stayed on the 30th floor of a hotel with a stunning view of the water.

The Farmer's Markets are scrumptious! Cute veggie and fruit stands tucked away in alleys along the water.

Pikes Market is a gem! If I lived in Seattle, I would be a regular at this joint!

Seafood....

Pasta......

Flowers.....oooooh they smelled amazing!

Jonah just LOVED hanging out with Auntie Lisa! He would talk up a storm whenever she played with him! They had a lot of catching up to do.

Jonah really got the hang of hangin' out in the sling with Dad. He was a big boy in the big city!

Seattle was great. But the best part was getting to hang out with my sister!

Thanks for a great visit Lisa!!

2008-10-10T21:38:00.000-06:00

We are heading up to Seattle this weekend! I am looking forward to taking some fun photos for a future blog!

so.....probably no blogs till Sunday.

2008-10-09T22:18:00.000-06:00

2008-10-07T10:56:00.000-06:00

do you ever hear a song and it brings you back to a specific time in your life...and you FEEL like you are there...it's as if the room shifts around you and you are thrust back in time....an energy that your body hasn't felt in a long time washes over you like and the details of that time come into crisp focus.

Dave Matthews Band...Crash Album. back in college...sitting in my apartment with my roommate.....hangin' out...talkin'...philosophizing...chillin'...welcoming friends over...watching out the window...roller blading ...hacky sack in the front yard...incense....and loads of hilarious laughter...cracking up over nothing....driving out to the indian mounds...

those were some good times.

2 times i would relive....the birth of my son and seeing him for the first time...and my 2 years up at SDSU with my old friend.

i hope all of you out there have been able to experience a time in your life where you were carefree, having fun, good friends, good tunes, and some spiritual mounds to dance upon.

2008-10-06T22:43:00.000-06:00

today i was asked: "What is the opposite of boredom?" This question was right on the heels of me saying how i was just plain ol' bored today and yesterday for that matter. blah. not in a depressed way. but in a genuinely bored way. after i thought about it, i decided that the opposite of boredom is intrigue and inspiration.

the two i's.

Intrigue.

Inspiration.

how does one come across these two i's in the midst of boredom? can you force intrigue? can you make yourself inspired? hmmm......

well, i tried it. i tried to force intrigue and i tried to make myself inspired today. did it work? well....it kept me curious. i am still curious. but i will say it wiggled me out of my funk. i am slightly blah...but in a "i'm on the fence" kind of blah...or a "toeing the line" kind of blah.

first off...i forced myself to go for a run. and i mean twisted my arm to get out and run. then i made myself leave the house after work and gather up some supplies for a creative project. i made sure i didn't turn on the tv while cooking. and for the cooking, i basically just had to just get up and do it regardless of the little voice in my head that was saying that cereal was good enough for dinner. i even went the extra mile and took a photo of my soup for this blog. perhaps i will WILL myself to do some yoga tonight....that is still undecided.

so what is the point of all of this boring blabbing? all in all....today took some effort to push through into intrigue and inspiration. i think that's okay. it's more successful to fake it till you make it than it is to just not do it all. in fact, it feels kind of inspiring just thinking back on my day and knowing that i tried to make it SOMETHING that it wasn't.

the best part of my day was just answering the question:

"What is the opposite of boredom?"

So you know my answer to this question.

What is YOUR opposite to boredom? and how do YOU find it?

i am intrigued to hear your answer to this question.

tomorrow is a new day. let's hope for the two i's to show up effortlessly this time!

2008-10-05T22:47:00.000-06:00

i am 5 days in to my blog-athon and i am kind of wondering to why i committed myself to this. i am cmparing this blog-athon to a running a marathon. this would be the 5 mile marker. i would imagine that runners at this point would still be feeling pretty good and doing their best to not remind themselves that they have 21 more miles left (in my case 26!). so here i am...already running out of steam...trying not to look too far ahead. hmmm....what to do about this?

so today...nothing profound. just hoping i get my second wind...

a wondering a pondering...

2008-10-04T21:05:00.000-06:00

i was talking with my friend Sam the other day about how our little brothers are growing up so fast. we both agreed that we still see our little bro's as younger than they really are....it's just how we remember them. when i think about my brother, i still see him as 18 or 19. i know very well he his much more mature than this age (he is 26) but it's the 18 year old image that comes to mind when i randomly think about him.

so, in discovering our selective memories, we wondered what age others remembered us as ...and more than that....what caused them to remember us at THAT age? taking it one step further...what age do YOU remember yourself to be? when you view yourself...how old are you...and why?

i think i remember myself being 25-26. why? i remember feeling free. i remember the biggest growth spurt and such a healthy strong body. i remember the energy of my home, my neighborhood, my friends, my work. i remember there was a magical quality to the air that everyonce in a while i get a scent of....typically in the fall....i was anticipating that there was so much life out there for me to experience... yes...i remember it being fall...i remember the air and color of the light outside....the leaves and the trees....the chill and the warmth. i remember my clothes and my routine....that all the little details in my daily life mattered... there is part of that time that is best left in the past....and there is a part of me from that time that i would like to resurrect anew....it may very well be happening already...it's fall now...and i am noticing the air.....i am recognizing the energy....i can feel a faint buzz of magic in the air...so much life ahead of me to anticipate....and i am enjoying the little things that add so much depth to the color palate of my life right now.

i am not really going anywhere with this...its just a pondering a wondering....

A Message for my Sisters.

2008-10-03T21:49:00.001-06:00

I just finished reading the fiction book "The Other Boelyn Girl" by Philippa Gregory. I am not typically one to get into fiction books, especially period novels. I must say, I couldn't put this book down. The book is written around actual facts surrounding the time of King Henry and the Boelyn family. I had two realizations while reading this book:

1) Women were totally oppressed in the 1500's ...even women in influential families.

2) Not too far off the mark from centuries ago....women are still oppressed today.

In the 1500's it was very transparent that women were of no value and to be used as pawns in their family's pursuit of power. Okay, so we (hopefully) dont' experience that blatant division today! BUT....there are still divisions between men and women. Women are not VALUED for their feminine power...in fact, we are taught to devalue our own power! I am not going to get into Britney Spears or the devaluing images of women in the media....

What I will get into is Sarah Palin AND women blindly falling for her BECAUSE she is a woman. While those women supporters are being mesmerized by her "perfect" woman IMAGE...she is standing for all those things that don't support US...or our femininity. I won't get into why. I want YOU to find the answer for yourselves. Look BEYOND the pretty image...and FEEL what isn't supportive to the woman in YOU...to your daughter...and your grand daughters.

Women....I implore you to demand something better for US. We are powerful in the most beautiful way.....more powerful and beautiful than any image can ever convey. Be the wiser. Use YOUR intuition and feminine power to make choices that create a world of equality that is beautiful inside and out.

Deepak Chopra's View about Sarah Palin

2008-10-02T19:33:00.000-06:00

Obama and The Palin EffectFrom: Deepak Chopra Posted: Friday, September 5th, 2008

Sometimes politics has the uncanny effect of mirroring the national psyche even when nobody intended to do that. This is perfectly illustrated by the rousing effect that Gov. Sarah Palin had on the Republican convention in Minneapolis. On the surface, she outdoes former Vice President Dan Quayle as an unlikely choice, given her negligent parochial expertise in the complex affairs of governing. Her state of Alaska has less than 700,000 residents, which reduces the job of governor to the scale of running one-tenth of New York City. By comparison, Rudy Giuliani is a towering international figure. Palin's pluck has been admired, and her forthrightness, but her real appeal goes deeper.

She is the reverse of Barack Obama, in essence his shadow, deriding his idealism and exhorting people to obey their worst impulses. In psychological terms the shadow is that part of the psyche that hides out of sight, countering our aspirations, virtue, and vision with qualities we are ashamed to face: anger, fear, revenge, violence, selfishness, and suspicion of 'the other.' For millions of Americans, Obama triggers those feelings, but they don't want to express them. He is calling for us to reach for our higher selves, and frankly, that stirs up hidden reactions of an unsavory kind. (Just to be perfectly clear, I am not making a verbal play out of the fact that Sen. Obama is black.

The shadow is a metaphor widely in use befor e his arrival on the scene.) I recognize that psychological analysis of politics is usually not welcome by the public, but I believe such a perspective can be helpful here to understand Palin’s message.

In her acceptance speech Gov. Palin sent a rousing call to those who want to celebrate their resistance to change and a higher vision.

Look at what she stands for:
--Small town values -- a denial of America's global role, a return to petty, small-minded parochialism.

--Ignorance of world affairs -- a repudiation of the need to repair America's image abroad.

--Family values -- a code for walling out anybody who makes a claim for social justice. Such strangers, being outside the family, don't need to be heeded.

--Rigid stands on guns and abortion -- a scornful repudiation that these issues can be negotiated with those who disagree.

--Patriotism -- the usual fallback in a failed war.

--'Reform' -- an italicized term, since in addition to cleaning out corruption and excessive spending, one also throws out anyone who doesn't fit your ideology.

Palin reinforces the overall message of the reactionary right, which has been in play since 1980, that social justice is liberal-radical , that minorities and immigrants, being different from 'us' pure American types, can be ignored, that progressivism takes too much effort and globalism is a foreign threat. The radical right marches under the banners of 'I'm all right, Jack,' and 'Why change? Everything's OK as it is.' The irony, of course, is that Gov. Palin is a woman and a reactionary at the same time.

She can add mom to apple pie on her resume, while blithely reversing forty years of feminist progress. The irony is superficial; there are millions of women who stand on the side of conservatism, however obviously they are voting against their own good. The Republicans have won multiple national elections by raising shadow issues based on fear, rejection, hostility to change, and narrow-mindedness. Obama's call for higher ideals in politics can't be seen in a vacuum.

The shadow is real; it was bound to respond. Not just conservatives possess a shadow -- we all do. So what comes next is a contest between the two forces of progress and inertia. Will the shadow win again, or has its furtive appeal become exhausted? No one can predict. The best thing about Gov. Palin is that she brought this conflict to light, which makes the upcoming debate honest. It would be a shame to elect another Reagan, whose smiling persona was a stalking horse for the reactionary forces that have brought us to the demoralized state we are in. We deserve to see what we are g etting, without disguise.

31 Day Blog-athon

2008-10-01T20:13:00.000-06:00

Have you ever done something intentionally for 31 days?

I am challenging myself to post a blog every day for 31 days. There are so many days where I have a revelation about something and I think to myself "I should blog about that today!!" and then a few minutes later i think "Eh, I will do it another day." Since the past few posts have been centering around re-engaging, I decided to challenge myself to do something that I imagine doing but don't follow through with in the end. Who know what these posts will consist of each day....a picture....a pondering....a quote....a revelation...wisdom....noticings...personal experiences... a post about not knowing what to post...

The point of this is to just DO IT! To allow myself to be open to the possibilities of creativity each day. To post when I don't feel like it. To find a new connection to my blog. To just know that I accomplished my own goal.

I invite you to do something intentional for 31 days. I would love to hear about what you chose to achieve for yourself.

Journey with me as I move through 31 days of the unknown....total possibility!

Wishing consistency and inspiration for us all!

Re-Engaging: Your Mission and Intentions

2008-09-21T14:14:00.000-06:00

I am wondering.....

Have you started on that which you have been desiring since reading my last post on how to Re-engage in the Extraordinary? Did you get inspired...at least enough to START thinking about more of who you want to be? If you are not off and running with your creative process, loving every minute of it and continuing to move forward in it....then you may be finding yourself in one of these 3 places:

1) You have not started re-engaging...what is keeping you from taking the first step??

2) You started re-engaging but have stopped your creative process....what stepped in your way?

3) You have started but are now losing motivation...how can you keep the momentum?

So, what can you do if you find yourself here?

Let's go back to the beginning....let's find YOUR MISSION. YOUR INTENTION.

Have you ever created a Mission Statement for your life? Why would you? Here is why:

Your mission is the guiding light and force in your life. Your mission keeps you on track. Your mission brings you back to your purpose...especially when it has been convoluted by distractions, details, and logic. Your mission is what you measure your choices against. Are your choices and what you are bringing into your life congruent with your mission? There are a few parameters in which to create a mission statement that is true to yourself:

1) Frame it in a positive way (instead of saying "i dont want..." say " I want...etc)

2) Keep it big picture....if you want more income...ask yourself "If I have more income THEN what am I having?" "If I have more time at home THEN what am I having?" These questions help you to pan out and see the bigger mission behind your desires...that there are ultimate states of being and emotions that you want to be living true to every day with everything you do.

Have you ever set an Intention for your activities? Why would you? Here is why:

Intentions create the space for you to achieve what you want to ultimately achieve from an activity. By setting an intention for yourself when engaging in any activity (big or small)...you are signaling to your unconscious mind the parameters for which this engagement can take place. If you begin to fall ouside of those parameters of what you were ultimately intending for yourself, your unconscious mind will let you know by giving you certain feedback qeues. If this happens, you can do a few things to get back on track:

1) Sometimes a quick check-in with your intention is all that is needed to remind yourself of WHY you are doing what you are doing. For instance, let's say you are in the middle of running your first marathon...and it feels like the hardest thing you have ever done and all you want to do is quit..everything in you body and mind are telling you to quit. Check in with your intention...it might be that your intention is to see yourself push through and achieve...in remembering your intention, you can mentally shift gears and keep your eye on the prize!

2) You may need to tweak your activity just a bit to serve your highest intention. Perhaps your intention is being compromised in the strategy...maybe instead of engaging every day in this activity, try only the weekends. In fact, sometimes you will find that intentions for different activities are conflicting and there needs to be a compromise to get both intentions accomplished.

So....

If you have found yourself stuck, bored, or fearful, try bringing your mission into your awareness and set your intentions for that which you want to engage.

And if you feel like you are off and running, your mission and intention are still vital to your success.

Last post, I said that this post would be about maintaining the magic in your daily activities. Well, your mission and intention are great ways to infuse that much needed motivation to move forward into the YOU that you want to be embodying every day. I will keep the daily magic tips coming!

Next post we will dive further into engaging and what it takes to be successful.

Until then....i wish you much magic and clarity in finding your mission and intentions.

Questions or noticings are always welcomed in the comments!

Re-Engage in the Extraordinary!

2008-09-13T11:14:00.000-06:00

I admit it. My inspiration to blog has been...not so much. I believe we all have a mission statement for our lives..whether we consciously know it or not. Mine consists of the word Spirituality. These days, my spirituality isn't in the form of spiritual self-help books, or energy healing sessions, or philosophical talks. I am finding it manifest in daily tasks.

A quote I heard from Rabbi Shmuley stated "The most challenging thing for people is overcoming boredom in the mundane...making the ordinary extraordinary...the natural..magical."

Being Present, Intentional, Active.

I have said it before, the past year of my life has been filled with changes and transitions. Putting time and intention into cooking, grocery shopping, reading fiction and magazines, organizing, crafts, exercise, and "just because" letters to friends was so far off my radar that just thinking about it made me nausious. To put it lightly, even the mundane and ordinary got put on the back-burner.

I feel like Maverick from Top Gun...the scene when he disengaged and then couldn't re-engage. It's taken a long time to re-engage back into the ordinary. Taking the time...and INTENTION to make the daily humdrum extraordinary and magical is no easy feat...especially when you lose your previous momentum. It's just like exercising...just getting started is half the battle.

So HOW do we overcome the daily humdrum and live a MEANINGFUL DAILY life? There is no RIGHT answer here...but a few ideas that may assist you in re-engaging are:

* Research and learn about the very thing you are resistant to. i.e. Magazines, blogs, websites, books. Enjoy the photos!

* Ask other's in your life HOW they are doing what they do. i.e. Exercise..."How do you get up every day and DO it?" "How do you push yourself and not get bored."

* Make a list of all the places in your home that you have neglected, or the places you want to visit, or the creative ideas that you have. Just bringing awareness to these subjects is all you need to have it start peaking your interesting in getting started.

* Shop for any tools you may need to get started or motivated. i.e. organizational tools, magazines on the subject, crafts.

* Set time-lines. You can set the goal and you can even know your next step...but if its not on a timeline....its easy to never get around to it.

These are just ideas to get STARTED.

Considering bringing magic into your daily life. Give yourself some wiggle room to imagine BEING that person you have been wanting to be. Just start there!

My next entry will be centered around how to keep the movitation and magic in your daily tasks!

For now..just get started!

Ponderings of a New World

2008-08-20T21:21:00.000-06:00

Okay, so now I am THAT Mom! But come on! Look at this little guy! I can't help but show him off as he grows right before my eyes every day. It's like nothing else...to watch a little being explore his world....his body...his smile...his voice....his hands. Who is he becoming? Does he know who he is already? Or is he totally starting from scratch? What was he smiling about in his dreams when he didnt know how to smile in his waking life? What is he trying to say when talks his baby talk? What is going on in that little head of his??

I have been asked: "So is it hard being a parent?" and I say NO! Being a parent is the most amazing job in the whole world! It's the health insurance, money, the world "going to hell in a hand basket" that is stressful. Of course there are challenges...mostly in the real realization that your child's unconscious mind is soaking up everything...that is where the REAL responsibility lies. As a parent I am realizing that I have to walk the walk...not just talk the talk.

I will say that every day he grows and learns is bittersweet. I want my baby to stay little....my little baby. My baby who I protect and keep close. My baby who has the littlest feet and who smells so familiar to me. My baby. And yet I get excited every day when he takes what seems to be the smallest steps...but are quantum leaps in his world. I almost can't wait for him to reach his next milestone. I can't wait for more smiles, more gibberish, more MORE MORE!

I have had to remind myself many times over...to slow down and enjoy each day..each moment. I am consciously taking it all in. And while I spend my days showing him and guiding him through his world...he is so effortlessly guiding me to a more present state...and showing me that I can smile even when my "stresses" are totally overwhelming.

A long time ago, my astrologer said I would have children someday. I told her that that was great and all...but what about this world and all its over population and problems? She replied "It's people like you who have awareness of the world, who believe in its light...it's all of you who need to be bringing children into this world because you will teach them how to take care of this world." I look at Jonah, and I see the future of our world in him....and its so beautiful.

2008-08-10T23:01:00.000-06:00

It's the Little Things...

2008-07-18T19:42:00.000-06:00

2008-07-04T18:48:00.000-06:00

"Your inner landscape is richer than your outer landscape, no matter how magnificent the sunrise you are seeing might be, or how awesome the night sky above you, or how turbulent the ocean rushing toward you. It is more diverse, more meaningful.

It is your inner landscape that gives meaning to your outer landscape. A golden sunset does not fill you with appreciation. Your inner landscape does.

When you mistake the circumstances that you encounter in your outer landscape for the experiences of your inner landscape, you miss the point entirely."

~Gary Zukav "The Heart of the Soul"

Jonah

2008-06-15T16:30:00.000-06:00

June 11, 2008.......Jonah Lyle is born.

Words do not do this day (or any thereafter) justice. So I will let the images do all the talking....

2008-04-27T10:20:00.000-06:00

"Life does not accomodate you, it shatters you. . . Every seed destroys its container or else there would be no fruition." ~ Florida Scott-Maxwell

A Synchronicity

2008-04-25T22:29:00.000-06:00

It's amazing when it all just comes together so beautifully....

About two weeks ago a lovely synchronicity began to take form....unbeknownst to me.....
I attended a 3-day company convention where at one point i was able to take a lovely workshop called "Managing Change". although there were many different workshops to chose from, this one in particular sparked my interest. I figured that with all the change that i have endured in the past year and all the change that was coming, i might as well figure out how to manage it...change that is.

The workshop was based around ideas by an author named William Bridges. What i found interesting was the notion of different stages of transition including....The Neutral Zone. This Neutral Zone caught my eye immediately! A place of chaos, confusion, unknowing of what is coming.....a place of creativity. A place where you have not yet let go of who you were and yet a place where you are not yet who you are to become.....a place of possibility. Finally! Words that fit the very place that i have been for so many months now.....a place where i haven't quite felt like myself....a place where i have felt at a stalemate.....a place where i realize that this change or that change was not THE answer.....a place where what was comfortable is no longer and what is no longer is not comfortable.

I reminded myself in this workshop to remember this author! remember this moment of inspiration! remember to research it more! Unfortunately my pregnancy brain got the best of my intentions and i completely forgot that i even took the workshop. So living my life i went...

That next weekend i met up with a friend from work....we decided to visit a bookstore we had never visited. She was looking for a book in particular and mentioned the name...and it was in one ear out the other for me. but she found her book and off we went to chat over coffee. A few hours later and some good girl chat done, we went on our way....

The next day at work this same friend comes up to me and says, "This book that I bought yesterday would be perfect for you! It talks about this "Neutral Zone"...." And then it came flooding back to me...THE WORKSHOP!

I asked her... "Who is the author? William Bridges?". She said "Yes!". And then i asked her (thinking i knew the answer), "Did you take that Managing Change workshop??". She said "NO!?"

I couldnt believe it! Out of all the books in the world!

It's called "The Way of Transition: Embracing Life's Most Difficult Moments."

So of course i went and bought the book as i figured the universe was nudging at me to do so. This book has been so powerful for me that words cannot express the importance of me finding this book now at this time in my life. Very few times have i encountered a book that was almost just short of a lifesaver.

I want to write more about the content of this book...the ideas that have impacted me.
but for now, i will leave you with a quote ....the first two paragraphs of chapter one and leave you pondering for yourself if perhaps you are in need of finding your way through transition.....

"It's a paradox: To achieve continuity, we have to be willing to change. Change is, in fact, the only way to protect whatever exists, for without continuous readjustment the present cannot continue.....The refusal to change will not garauntee that whatever we care about stays the same. It only assures that whatever we care about has been deprived of the very thing it needs in order to survive. A marriage, a career, a dream for the future, even a picture of the past: Each of these things is being primed for destruction if it does not change over time.

Here is another paradox: The very things we now wish we could hold onto and keep safe from change were themselves originally produced by changes. And many of those changes, in their day, looked just as daunting as any in the present do. No matter how solid and comfortable and necessary the status quo feels today, it was once new, untried and uncomfortable. Change is not only the path ahead, but it is also the path behind us, the one which we traveled along to whereever we are now trying to stay." ~William Bridges "The Way of Transition"

2008-04-06T11:04:00.000-06:00

"Remember that where your heart is, your treasure is also."

~A Course In Miracles p.16

A Birthday Shout Out!

2008-03-26T20:56:00.000-06:00

I have the most wonderful husband ever....

He took all the bunnies shopping for some Easter treats....

Its so lovely waking up to an Easter suprise!

He takes me and Jonah to the doctor and waits patiently....

Jonah had the hiccups that day.

He makes sure me and jonah get well fed.....

...every day of the week.

He makes sure my parents get the best food in town....

...right on the coast. top notch.

He even picks me up from work....

....and shows me how to take pictures of the moon along the way.

He manages to make rainy days fun....

...and cozy.

He is the best grocery shopper ever!

and he gets me flowers when i need a boost.

He is always fun to play with...

and he teaches me fun things...

We are BFF's!

He takes me to wonderous places...

and reminds me of what's important...

Baby Jonah can't wait to be just like him...

and we are so glad that he came to get me from MN....

I really love this guy...

...that's why i married him.

Happy Birthday Honey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We all love you.

Stay Tuned

2008-03-20T22:36:00.000-06:00

perhaps its this book i am reading (A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle).....perhaps its the time of year when its harder to sit in one place for very long.....perhaps its the nearing of the end of this 9 month chapter.....something is keeping me from posting all the updates that have happened in the past month and a half.....updates are coming....the inspiration is brewing.....i can feel it....

2008-03-20T21:48:00.000-06:00

"When I dont mind what happens, what does that imply? It implies that internally I am in alignment with what happens. "What happens," of course, refers to the suchness of this moment, which always already is as it is. It refers to content, the form that this moment-- the only moment there ever is--takes. To be in alignment with "what is" means to be in a relationship of inner nonresistance with what happens. It means not to label it mentally as good or bad, but to let it be. Does this mean you can no longer take action to bring about change in your life? On the contrary. When the basis for your actions is inner alignment with the present moment, your actions become empowered by the intelligence of Life itself." ~Eckhart Tolle "A New Earth" pg 198

i bring life to the space i am in

2008-02-15T16:58:00.000-07:00

"Energy will do anything that can be done in this world."

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

A New Book for A New Earth

2008-02-13T18:00:00.000-07:00

"Yeilding means an inner acceptance of what is. You are open to life. Resistance is an inner contraction, a hardening of the shell of the ego. You are closed. Whatever action you take in a state of inner resistance (negativity) will create more outer resistance, and the universe will not be on your side; life will not be helpful. If the shutters are closed, the sunlight cannot come in.

When you yeild internally, when you surrender, a new dimension of consciousness opens up. If action is possible or necessary, your action will be in alignment with the whole and supported by creative intelligence, the unconditioned consciousness which in a state of inner openness you become one with. Circumstances and people then become helpful, cooperative. Coincidences happen. If no action is possible, you rest in the inner peace and stillness that come with surrender. You rest in God." ~ Eckhart Tolle "A New Earth"

One of many wonderful excerpts from the book "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. i must say, this is a great book that warrants its own shout out. for the past year I have felt slightly repulsed by self-help/new age books. why? i dont know. i guess i was over the feeling of my expectations being let down after i bought a book that i thought would be great. great books are few and far between. i bought this particular book very hesitantly. i have not read anything else by this author so i really did not know what to expect. 60 pages in and i am pleasantly surprised. in fact, this book is right on with highly intelligent concepts that are conveyed easily and with inspiration. it's very exciting to think that these concepts are being delivered to the masses in an easy-to-read format. i have had a few revelations while perusing these pages and also been gently reminded of some old material that i filed away long ago. let me know what you think....

Drum Roll Please....

2008-02-08T14:11:00.000-07:00

Shining

2008-01-23T21:52:00.000-07:00

every few years, we can find ourselves in a bit of a haze. as we take note of the day and time, we realize that its time to catch up to ourselves. looking back over the past 10 years...as we wonder....where did it all go?....we peer in to each chapter ....and remember....those elements of our lives where we thrived.....the vivid colors.....the scents.....the routines.....the seasons.....the styles.....the surroundings.....the comforts......those long forgotten elements where we shined inside......

2008-01-15T17:16:00.000-07:00

"Whatever is rejected from the self,

appears in the world as an event." ~ Carl Jung

2008-01-14T21:05:00.000-07:00

"You are contradicting your vision

by focusing

on your current reality."

~Abraham

Wild Wild Trust

2008-01-13T17:37:00.000-07:00

trust.

this abstract word has been lurking in many conversations that i have been having lately. apparently i am not the only one who finds this animal to be quite elusive when it always matters. i mean, what does it look like? how do i harness it? how do i even trust that i know when or how to be trusting?

in the movie The Secret, it gives a 3 step approach to creating your reality through the Law of Attraction. the one part of creating your reality that is crucial to the process and will ineveitably come up as your in your creation process is trust. and trust ain't no easy thang to be describin'. but i will give it a shot since i have been taking a good hard look at it myself.

the topics that trust has been coming up for me or the people around me lately has been around relationships and creating your reality. and its in relationships that trust almost seems to be the most elusive yet the most powerful. so when is it important? of course we need to trust our partners to be honest and to have our best intentions in mind. thats obvious. but what about trusting our partner's process?

have you ever had an argument with your partner and tried forcing them to see or change what you want them to see or change? have you ever gotten frustrated when it seemed like they just didnt get it? but then a week later your partner all of a sudden changes or says "hey, remember when you said yada yada yada last week...well, i've been thinkin'." there it is...the space where real transformation happened. the space where trust would have felt really good for both parties involved. i say, take some time to understand how your partner or friend or mother processes information...get to know what their space looks like and trust that they will not only move through that space but arrive with a revelation! and if you experience the flip side of that coin, then communicate to your partner or friend or mom the space in which you process and arrive to your revelations. ask them to trust that you will get there!

okay now on to creating your reality. we write our goals or desires, we affirm that they are coming to us, we imagine ourselves already there....and then as time goes on and we feel like nothing is happening......this is where its really easy to doubt your creative process. its in this space that trust comes in. oh this can be hard, especially if you are looking at your current situation as dire and the desire you NEED to manifest is not coming fast enough. this is the space where trust seems like a wild animal that is on the extinction list. it is in this space that the most crucial part of the creative process exists....it will either make it or break it.....or bring faster or slow it down.

so how do we trust in relationships or our own creative processes? well this is a good question. and after trying to describe it myself, i realize that trust really is abstract. there are no real words to actually describe what it feels like or how to envoke it. so now, after all of this, i just have to trust that you will begin to ponder the spaces within your own lives where a little more trust would make a difference. and perhaps start trusting yourselves a little more to enter those scary spaces with a more determined mind to start trusting this animal. trust me, exploring the jungles where trust resides will be worth it.

A Note from the Universe

2008-01-11T11:03:00.000-07:00

"A master's awareness of spiritual laws, directs him or her to manifest major life changes by working with their thoughts, not by working harder.

Which isn't to say they don't sometimes work very long hours, because they do; they just don't think of it as work. Which also isn't to say that they all have cool jobs that anyone would love, because they don't; they just see every task before them, no matter where they work, as a gift to unwrap.

Hmmmmm...

The Universe"

2008-01-08T20:33:00.000-07:00

"You have everything you need in the present situation to work with impeccability. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't work toward manifesting additional resources and opportunities. It does mean that the present situation supplies you with everything you need to take the next step."

- Jonathan Zap, "A Guide to the Perplexed Interdimensional Traveler"

2008-01-08T08:54:00.000-07:00

anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive
is too small for you.

~ David Whyte ~

Goal:

2008-01-01T17:56:00.000-07:00

To be THIS "in the moment" with everything! Overflowing with total bliss....

Happy Henry. His first experience with snow.

2008-01-01T14:53:00.000-07:00

"We outgrow goals, sometimes before we even accomplish them, so before you put one on the list, make sure you still are passionate about getting your desire.

Sometimes we have several things that we'd like to change on our list, but changing them all would be completely overwhelming. Avoid the bleed effect - where everything seems wrong. It's usually due to one area of life that's so painful that it's causing a domino effect into other areas." --Susan Miller

Check out what's in store for you in 2008 at www.astrologyzone.com!

Lessons Learned in 2007

2008-01-01T12:25:00.000-07:00

Something I like to do for the New Year is to look back and see what I have learned....

1) Getting a Master's Degree is expensive, so choose wisely.

2) The Midwest winters are enough to make me cry.

3) Don't under estimate Bette the Astrologer.

4) Durango has the best bakery with the most generous creator EVER.....BREAD.

5) I am more athletically inclined than I gave myself credit for.

6) Little spirit babies have their own timing.

7) Boulder Colorado is a better place to visit.

8) Moving across the country is expensive.

9) Sometimes you can find yourself trying to catch up with yourself.

10) Commuting a long way to work to and through downtown Portland really does take its toll on your soul...if you dont use your time wisely.

11) Spirituality takes work.

12) Automatic self-cleaning litter boxes are just as finicky as cats.

13) The people of Puerto Rico are incredibly generous.

14) Portlanders are incredibly friendly.

15) I feel better overall at sea level.

16) I love the ocean....preferrably the warm tropical kind.

17) The rain does get to me.....the sun is a needed element.

18) Blogging nourishes my spirit.

19) The older I get, the more I need my family around.

20) A relationship isnt about being ready for it, its about being ready to sacrifice for it.

21) Acupuncture is medicine.

22) Committing to a wedding date and location is harder than I thought.

23) Bio-illuminescent bays are truly magical.

24) You really can fall in love at the airport.

25) Pregnancy is more physically challenging than I anticipated and more spiritual than I imagined.

So what is to come in the New Year??

My 30th birthday. A new addition to the family. Our first summer in Portland. Another trip (hopefully) to Puerto Rico. Evolution of our dream careers. Our baby's first Xmas. A wedding....

We'll see how much I learn after this coming year...from the looks of it, I think it will be a lot!

WISHING EVERYONE A WONDEROUS NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!! MAY ALL YOUR WILDEST DREAMS COME TRUE!

A New Way through the New Year

2008-01-01T11:53:00.000-07:00

Why is it that New Year's Day feels so refreshing? We look back on the last year of our lives, and I think some of us out there feel surprised and relieved that we even made it to this point. And perhaps others look back and see little obstacles overcome, a few glitches here and there, sprinkled with a few changes and suprises. Either way, I think its safe to say that when we all look back, we can all see how much WE have changed. .....

So why do we feel the need to MAKE changes through resolutions or goals for the coming year? Haven't we changed enough? Can't we just give ourselves a break? Are we not convinced that this coming New Year will bring us enough abundant change as seasons and calendars re-cycle us once again?

Every year I write down my goals with a crisp vigour within my soul. And this year, it was all I could do to just THINK about my goals....much less write them down. I felt myself struggling with this:

"Why do I not want to get serious about all the changes that I want to come for me this year?"

Then it became clear to me. Its not that I dont want goals...especially New Year's goals (some of the best kind). And its not that I dont believe in the power of writing down my goals. Its this whole perspective thing that, I feel, drives many of our New Year's resolutions.....the perspective of needing things or ourselves to change MORE. What if we looked at our New Year's goals as our reward for changing so much over the past year... And a reward for showing up again this year? Instead of limiting our resolution/goal list to just things that we want to be better, why don't we include the things that are already great from enduring yet another cosmic year?

With my past year being 4 seasons full of change, I couldn't even stomach adding more to my plate with MORE goals to focus on. And I realized that perhaps my focus is to just to be more appreciative of how far I have come. Do we take enough time to do this? My own curiousity cannot help but write down a huge list of goals to see what I can achieve this year, but I have come to see the needed balance of self-appreciation for what we have already created.....NOW

Let New Year's Day be a day of basking in where you are NOW. The coming New Year will be sure to move you through plenty of life cycles to keep you growing. Thats life. The constant is change. And the change is constant.

2007-12-26T23:26:00.000-07:00

"Don't take score so soon...Keep reminding yourself – and that's where that trusting comes in – keep talking about what you want and why you want it and that will keep you in a vibration that keeps allowing rather than disallowing.You would not go to that tomato patch and snatch that hard green tomato and say, "I'm going to eat you today because I said I would. This is the goal day. You are supposed to be ready, it is June 6th, today I will eat you."
As you bite into that hard, sour tomato you would not have a very pleasant experience. It is ever so much more wise to relax and to say, in very trusting fashion, "It is coming to me. All is well. I will keep my eyes and ears open for it. I will feel my way to it rather than demand my way to it."- Abraham-Hicks -

Winter Wonder Land

2007-12-26T12:18:00.000-07:00

I woke up to a stuffed stocking, cards on the tree and some new presents! Santa came! It was really fun, thoughtful and sweet. Thanks Santa J!

We enjoyed spending our morning with fun gifts from eachother and family. Even Beluga got some things!

and just for fun....let's see what my new camera can do!

Portland was a Winter Wonder Land on Xmas Day! We decided to take a hike in the forest...just around the corner from our home.

Portland forests are lush, green, mossy, tall tall trees, and lots of ferns. To see these green forests covered in a white blanket was great xmas treat.

Xmas in Portland 2007 was a relaxing beautiful time for us. We are excited to have another addition to the family next year!

Xmas Eve 2007

2007-12-24T22:30:00.001-07:00

We started out the day with a trip to the Nutcracker and a nice walk by the river in Downtown Portland.

It was a sunny day in Portland...

No snow!

Our first Xmas Eve was nothing short of the best photos ever! With my new digital camera....I just couldnt help but experiment....

Jason made us a lovely salmon dinner....

So lovely that he just had to get a photo...which I just had to get a photo of..

Here is his view (mine was better)

Unfortunately I couldnt be with my family for Xmas...but it was fun checking in to see how all their gifts turned out!

I just had to tell my bro how he got the Gift of the Year Award! Thanks Greg and Kelley! We LOVE it!

Opening gifts was fun!

But I think Tiki had the most fun fighting with the paper.

I think Tiki won.

It was a great start to our FIRST Xmas Eve!!!!

We cant wait to see what Santa brings for Xmas Day! Girl told us she was going to stay up and make sure santa eats every last xmas cookie.....uh, yeah...sure girl. just like tiki ate the whole cup of food we gave you last night....yeah, right.

Holiday Creations

2007-12-18T20:21:00.000-07:00

I know I know....I havent written in a long while....

The question is........WHY??

There has been a lot going on over here in Port-Land.

After we set up the tree we realized we needed stockings! So....off to the drawing board.....

I dont know if its the holiday treats, the ice cream I am always craving or what....but 14 weeks in and already its starting to show.....

Oh and one other creation that has been getting LOTS of attention....

Xmas time!

2007-12-06T22:04:00.001-07:00

A Star Journey

2007-12-06T21:06:00.000-07:00

today, the sun caught my eye as it lit up a portland bridge. i saw it through my huge office window. an officemate and i walked over to the glass take in the beauty. Looking down at the river, the boats, the bridge, the hills....i whispered "I cant believe THIS is my life." i wasnt talking completely about the scenery. i mean, i was, but i was also talking about so much more. looking around i realized that my astrologer was right:

"Next May 2007, one year from now, you're about start a new cycle. Nothing in your life will look the same. Just wait."

i remember when she told me. i didnt know if i could believe her. believing those words would mean that i would have to let go of everything that was around me. everything. i cant tell you how many sleepless nights i had after that starry prediction. only that there were plenty to talk about now. six months later i couldnt stand it. i talked to my astrologer again:

"Its like you're on a plane and your about to land. but....you dont know where you are going to land. all you know is...you have to wait. sit back and read a good book because having anxiety about it wont do you any good. call me when you've landed."

the next six months were painful. whatever i was doing in my life then seemed....all for not. or was it? i couldnt even imagine the picture of everything being different from what it was then. i had no idea how this was all going to pan out.....

looking out my office window today. the sun shining upon Portland. how had i traversed so many miles so quickly? how had things changed so effortlessly? how did i make it here so synchronistically? how did i come to survive such a drastic shift in my reality?

it's amazing how the tides in life can change direction so quickly. looking around i see that everything now is exactly what i wanted long ago. it was what i dreamed for myself to be one day. honestly, i never really thought it would happen to me. that i would get everything my imagination conjured. but i lived my way right into it. as if all my stars just fell right into place. just like that....

2007-11-18T10:44:00.000-07:00

Today is not only Mickey Mouse's birthday, but it is also my sister's birthday! Where Scorpio's reign you'll find mad organizational skills, a cozy home with every detail tended to, a love for animals, and best of all a great friend. So here is to you Lisa......HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (Glad you liked your present :)

I thought I would also include a lovely scenery pic from the woods of Portland....perhaps yet another nudge at persuading you to move out here!

The Power of Possessing Effectiveness

2007-11-17T11:18:00.000-07:00

Think about the people whom you believe to be EFFECTIVE in their lives. What qualities do they possess that cause them to be effective in their lives? This was an exercise done among me and my peers on day as we were asked to ponder this question. And with a 2 minute time limit, we were given the instruction to come up with as many qualities as we could think that would be possessed by highly effective people. Listed below are the qualities we came up with. There are more. Many more. In looking over these qualities.....

What do you notice within yourself?.....Is there an area of your life in which you would like to be more effective? .....Which qualities listed below would you need in order to be successfully effective?

organized, diligent, committed, resourceful, strategic, adaptable, flexible, focused, creative, task-oriented, mobilized, collaboration, conviction,

goal-oriented, vision, balance, consistent, positive energy for tasks, determined, asks for help, engaged, themselves, laughs at challenges, positive energy for tasks, refreshing, planner, thorough, quality, detailed, managing, present, utilize time, efficient, prepared, energetic, motivated, healthy, handles pressure well, satisfied, multi-tasker, driven, joyful, grateful, supported, responsible, responsive, inventive, graceful, boundaried, disciplined, clear future vision, intent, optimistic, flexible, grounded, stress management, logical, reasonable, self affirming, inspired, quick-learner, courage, no defeat, bounce-backer, to-do lists, inventive, confident, realistic, dreaming.

2007-11-15T14:12:00.000-07:00

"God dwells within you, as you." ~Elizabeth Gilbert

ponder this....i will come back to it soon....

2007-11-15T11:39:00.000-07:00

"The day is ending. It's time for something that was beautiful to turn into something else that is beautiful. Now, Let Go." ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

2007-11-14T15:35:00.000-07:00

"We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same."
- Carlos Castaneda

A Day at the Coast

2007-11-05T15:32:00.000-07:00

Jason, Heidi, Henry and I adventured to the Coast yesterday....the Pacific Northwest Coast that is....

But before we could go any further, we had to make sure Henry was on his best behavior...

Then off to the beach we went....

Henry just couldnt contain his excitement...

And I must admit, the views were amazing...

Me and Heidi enjoyed our warm chai tea as it was very windy out there...

Henry managed to find his way into the camera's view....ham.

Me and Jason enjoyed our new life view...

It was a great day at the coast. Henry agrees.

PS. HAPPY BIRTHDAY HEIDI!!!!!!!!

A Note from the Universe

2007-11-05T11:05:00.000-07:00

"Asking someone to change is like pruning a tree: neither will ever be the same again.
Scarier still, is that you can't quite know in what new directions they'll grow.

But hey, it's still your call.

Tallyho,
The Universe "

www.tut.com

A Few Of The Many Portland Photos To Come

2007-11-04T10:00:00.001-07:00

Courtesy of Jason Sager, I am providing some photos of ...well basically our backyard. Forest Park: a mountainous ridge spanning over 15 miles through the city- its 2 miles from our backdoor. Coast Pics are to come.....stay tuned!

Safe and Sound...A Little Freaked Out.....A Lot More Spiritual

2007-11-03T22:46:00.000-06:00

Well our move to Portland is complete.....well almost. We are waiting on our stuff to show up from the movers. But all in all, we made it safe and sound.....well....almost.....

26 miles outside of Portland. 10 pm. We have driven 18 hours. 75 mph through mountainous canyon turns- sharp and wide. My cell phone battery is dead. I am following Jason's car....

All of a sudden my steering wheel starts to shake. I thought it was odd and didnt remember it doing this before our last gas station stop. As I am pondering this, I hear a loud pop and all chaos breaks loose in my car. I hold onto the wheel with both hands as I am barely able to maintain control of the car as smoke starts bellowing up from somewhere. The car sounds like the engine is falling out as its roaring in my ears. I flash my lights at Jason, turn on the hazards and pull over on a very tiny shoulder. I realize my tire has blown out. Jason runs up to my car after he pulls over and says "You cant park here! You have to keep driving! Pressing on the gas, staying in the shoulder, barely reaching 10mph, I keep driving....CLUNK. CLUNK. CLUNK.

We find a larger shoulder and Jason begins to do the next logical thing.....look for the spare and change the tire....in the dark....on the highway, a few feet from the fast lane. Murphy's Law entered the picture right when we realized that the car was packed to the hilt and we needed to get down to the bottom of the trunk. So there we go, in the dark, pulling suitcases out, towels, books, etc.

Okay. So Jason miraculously gets the tire changed as I am standing there thinking "I should really learn how to do this someday." We get the spare on and off we go! A minor hiccup on our cross country travels to our new life! So there we are, driving slow but driving nonetheless to our new home. We are on the interstate in downtown portland when all of a sudden the spare blows out!!! So we pull over off the next exit and call AAA. We use our newly purchased AAA account that was urged upon us by my mother a few days before who just kept pushing us to get AAA before the trip. We finally agreed and on this night we were overly grateful for her intuition. Upon waiting for AAA to show up, we realize that another tire on the car was going flat! Hmmmm.......and then our unconscious minds flash a scene in our heads.....

Oh yeah! About 6 hours back we remembered driving over something.....something crunchy.....something brassy.....something that was strewn all over the lane.........NAILS! It happened so fast that I obliviously just never thought twice about it.....until I am looking at 3 flat tires.....at 11:30pm.....in downtown Portland.

How did we not clue into this little...no...HUGE fact 6 hours ago?

And then we realized the reality of the past 6 hours. I had been driving on 3 (we ended up having to replace 3 nail ridden tires) flat tires...all waiting to blow out. I had been driving at high speeds around huge sharp canyon turns with only a small gaurd rail before the drop offs. This happened as I was driving on a straight road- but if this would have happened around a turn.....by a drop off....things could have been a lot worse....

And then I felt it....them. My angels. Surrounding me. I cant see my angels or guides and I dont usually FEEL them. But that night....in hindsight....I felt them flooding my reality. I felt so grateful for them. And for the opportunity to keep moving forward in health to self and others. It was a spiritual rekindling for me. A reminder that there is something bigger.....that I have a destiny.....that I cant be lazy with it.....that its time to awaken again.

I realized that my intuition was telling me something the last 6 hours of the drive.....slow down on the turns.....hold the wheel with both hands....and I had a thought that made me laugh....."What if I got a flat and we had to take everything out of the trunk to get to the spare? That would SUCK!"

Intuition works great.....how come its always in hindsight? How can I start cluing in when it matters??

After the tow truck guy loaded the car up to take away he said "So where are we taking this?" And Jason said "To our house. But we've never been there before. Can you take us there?"

2007-10-31T08:24:00.000-06:00

"In Chinese, the word "crisis" is composed of two characters. One represents danger, the other opportunity." ~Rob Brenzy

2007-10-24T16:51:00.000-06:00

"All things do resolve themselves, if allowed." - Abraham-Hicks -

Prelude to the Eleventh Hour

2007-10-22T12:53:00.000-06:00

A month or so ago, I wrote about the eleventh hour. The elusive hour that we hope will bring the relief we need in order to keep pressing forward. Well here I am, in my own eleventh hour. I have watched the chaos reign for far too long........looking at all the pieces of my life and wondering "Where am I going??" "What am I doing here??" "How do I manuever through this??" "Why are the answers taking so long to show themselves??"

I believe we will always have those random pieces of our lives that we are trying to make sense out of or trying to work our way around or into. But this summer for me consisted of every piece being flung across the floor like a glass vase shattering into tiny jagged pieces. I felt like I was in a mess that I didnt even know where to begin in putting it back together again. Funny thing is, I was the one who pushed the vase off the table.....I wanted to start new again. Careful what you wish for....

I got new alright. I got new in tiny little pieces strewn across the floor. I spent this summer picking up the pieces- salvaging some but throwing away a lot more.....a few cuts along the way. But the eleventh hour is showing itself.....finally. I wondered if time stopped in my world. But it appears to have been moving at the speed needed to get all the pieces in order......an order I knew nothing about as I thought I was just tossing them all in a pile. Its seems this "random" pile is my new life. And now that I look at it......it has a beauty that I couldnt have imagined when I watched myself knocking that vase over. In each piece, a story unfolded for me. In each piece, I learned more about myself in trusting my power of creation. At first I thought I was just putting all the little pieces in a random pile, but I realize now that in each piece, whether I knew it then consciously or not, I had an intention.....and that intention is to live my dream. Guess what? When the clock strikes twelve, I will be there.

It was all worth the wait.

2007-10-22T12:50:00.000-06:00

"Most people try to have whatever they want. A greater reward is to want what you have."

~ Byron Katie author of "Loving What Is"

2007-10-17T23:47:00.000-06:00

"If there's a gauge of the pace of my life, its that I'm always behind on Thank-You's, the laundry is never done, and there is never quite enough food in the refrigerator....We're in the middle of the best kind of chaos." ~Sally Goodrich

2007-10-17T23:40:00.000-06:00

"There is something inside you that will tell you the truth always." ~Sri Swami Rama of the Himalayas

Cosmic Particles

2007-10-11T22:23:00.000-06:00

I found this video on one of my favorite blogs Towards 2012

2007-10-11T18:21:00.000-06:00

"Einstein said, "Intuition does not come to an unprepared mind." When he discovered the theory of relativity, it came to him in a flash of intuition. But only after he had studied and pondered the great mysteries of physics for years. This preparation allowed him to observe things that would have gone unnoticed to the "unprepared mind." Get prepared." ~Statement by James Ray

2007-10-09T22:52:00.000-06:00

"The most important and enjoyable thing in life is doing something that's a complicated, tricky problem for you that you don't know how to solve."~ Novelist William Vollman

"The secret of life is to have a task, something you devote your entire life to, something you bring everything to, every minute of the day for your whole life. And the most important thing is—it must be something you cannot possibly do." ~ Sculptor Henry Moore

2007-10-09T22:44:00.001-06:00

"To live is so startling. It leaves but little room for other occupations." - Emily Dickinson

Law of Attraction IN ACTION

2007-10-07T20:18:00.000-06:00

This is cool and let me tell you, I needed a little reminder from the universe that it really is listening. So here is a little story- its little- but it was EASY and EFFORTLESS...as Jason puts it "FLAWLESS".

So earlier in the week- I woke up in the middle of the night with my mind reeling with stress! Stressful thoughts about all the changes coming up in our life and wondering HOW will we pull it off? Of course when does money not play a factor in stress? So there I am laying in bed, heart pounding, shallow breathing, energy constricting all around me, I could see no light at the end of the tunnel to make it go away. I was downward spiraling in all the negative "what-if factors"- i mean- full on PANIC ATTACK. And we all know that everything seems worse in the middle of the night- I dont know why but dreams are scarier and stress about reality is even more horrifying at night....

Anyway, as I am spiraling in dreaded imaginings, a thought dawned on me: "Take control. Create SOMETHING BETTER." So using all the discipline I could muster, I stated over and over and over and over "$1500 or more will come into my reality easily and effortlessly. THAT OR SOMETHING BETTER." Then it dawned on me! I could sell my Jeep! I love my Jeep but with the move coming up, I realized that it would actually be easier to sell it before the move than after.....

All of a sudden things were coming clear and the constricted energy was releasing its grip upon my body. "This thought feels GOOD!" So, I got CLEAR: "Universe, I will sell my car by the end of the week for X amount of dollars EASILY AND EFFORTLESSLY. THIS OR SOMETHING BETTER." Over and over and over again I stated and restated. I didnt stop stating it. I even had thoughts breakthrough my new mantra letting me know that I had no idea HOW? i was going to make this happen and dread would begin to descend but i affirmed to myself that it was okay that I had no idea HOW I was going to get the money I needed and get it easily and effortless for that matter. But i trusted it would happen: "This has to happpen," I thought to myself. I had to see that everything I believed about creating my reality is true- especially in this "Eleventh Hour". ....

Eventually I fell asleep...only to wake up to the newfound inspiration but also to the awareness that I had to take ACTION to make this happen. I had never sold a car before and it felt overwhelming at first- but then I broke it down to babysteps and one day at a time- with my ultimate goal in mind.....By the end of the week...THIS OR SOMETHING BETTER...

Well wouldnt ya know.....The car was posted to Craigslist last night- late. I felt like I had procrastinated- I didnt even get the car posted till almost the very end of the week! But I TRUSTED that this was the flow of things. The very next morning we had a "bite"! ....

So we met the guy half way- after taking five minutes to look at it he said "So did you guys bring another car?" We looked at eachother and then said "No but if you want it today you can drive it back up to our house to drop us off." He agreed! He paid cash- for exactly what we were asking for! It was EFFORTLESS! It was EASY! It happened just as I asked..by the end of the week. Everyone in the scenerio was pleased. Everyone WON! Everything just lined up- in a way that I probably wouldnt have dreamed because even if I did, I probably wouldnt have believed it could happen so perfect like this! And I didnt panic when it appeared that that clock was nearing its final hours towards the "end of the week". The universe took over- and worked its magic. I just asked. I declared. I got clear on what I needed to happen. I followed my feeling state with my thought process that night in bed as I realized that I not only wanted $1500 or more by the end of the week- but I allowed myself to entertain the ways and ideas that could get me there...and ways that could even get me MORE than I was wanting! Now I was thinking outside my box!....Sell my car! And that thought felt GOOD!

So, I believe that this "little" story is a perfect example of how creating your reality works. Its about getting clear on what you want- get specific. Its about discipling your thoughts- not letting the negative thoughts take over- and using your feeling tone to guide you to the right answer. Its about taking the necessary action to facilitate the Universe to do the rest...to work the magic...to line things up. Mind you, I had to line up myself with the total idea of selling my car- I couldnt "half-ass" that idea- be half-way on board- I had to allow myself to be okay with the possibility of it happening just the way I asked......Consequences. In declaring what you want- there are "consequences" to it all. You will get one thing and may have to give up another- find your peace with that and the universe will move you into your newly created reality. Oh, and remember to state "THIS OR SOMETHING BETTER" because the universe may just have a better idea in mind!

So, I say goodbye to my Jeep and hello to new opportunities and a newfound inspiration in the Law of Attraction. I hope you find inspiration in this as well and begin to "play" with your reality!

Remember...

2007-10-07T20:11:00.000-06:00

My friend Heidi sent me this and I thought it was a perfect affirmation to remember (it will make its way over to the "Affirmations To Be Remembered" list after it receives its proper debut here on the main posts).......Thanks Heids!

Love is my gift to the world.

I fill myself with love, and I send that love out into the world.

How others treat me is their path; how I react is mine.

2007-10-05T09:46:00.000-06:00

"Any statement followed by the words "I am" can be extremely powerful or very dangerous. Choose carefully." ~ James Ray