i thought it was under control

all pushed down for no one to see

not even me

a delicate plan to not care

an intricate strategy to stay on course.

today an earthquake ripped through the center of my soul.

a crevice so vast I feared it's edges.

i was standing far enough away but I had no idea of what was to come

what felt like a slight shake slowly built...and built...

i thought i had it all under control

without warning

the crevice opened as if it were looking for me..to swallow me whole.

i was found.

i slipped.

clawing at the edges that i once feared and praying they would save me now

i fell.

something tore me apart that night.

unable to withstand my delicate plan, my soul shook under the pressure

and the weight of it all revealed the truth

down in my dark abyss

i fell.

along the way

i cried.

moving through a backwards timeline i relived the truth

and i saw with tear filled eyes.

a trembling in my bones led me to the beginning.

a house.

a window.

a connection to a soul who wandered away.

realizing where the tremors began so long ago

i cried.

five.

that's when i lost him.

my switch flipped

i turned off.

waiting at the window for him to come again

i remained.

off.

untying the ribbons that bound our souls

i moved with gratitude.

and cried with sadness.

climbing through the darkness

i spin.

off my axis.

my delicate plan has lost its gravitational pull

and i wonder where am i going?