My Girl.

I remember the day i knew i needed you. I was camping. Out of the blue, I knew I needed to find you. I went home and I looked for you. A needle in a haystack. I showed up. I was told of your story. You came into this world tragically and miraculously. Your mom was sick while she was pregnant with you and your siblings. Someone found her on the brink of death. She was nursed back to health to have her babies. They all died except for you. You hung on...for me. You knew I would come find you. You spent your first 3 months in a room by yourself with your caretaker nursing you back to health. It's no coincidence that you were pure white. Angelic. Pure. And beautiful. I wanted a kitten that purred. The others didnt purr. You did. That was your selling point. I took you home. The first night you purred so loud in my ear that I couldnt sleep all night. Instead of loving you I tried to give you back fearing I was too impulsive in taking you home. I was told to wait the weekend out. I did. I tried to not bond with you. Convinced I would return you. But the moment you cuddled up to me while I watched a movie, I knew we were partners to the end. I remember shortly thereafter, i felt your saddness. You missed the woman who cared for you for those first few months....your "mom". Listening to you, and questioning if I was crazy in doing this, I wrote her a letter...from you. A letter of gratitude that you needed to make sure she received. That's the kind of Girl you were. I sent it. I never felt that saddness again...you let go and we moved forward. The original name I gave you never stuck. You never listened. You didn't like it. So Girl you became. Among many other names that evolved over time. I think you liked it that way.....you felt special. I remember when you brought a bird in the house. Tiki knew you were in trouble and he totally ratted you out. You never liked being in trouble and did everything in your power to keep everyone around you happy. And you did. What I remember most about you was your innate desire to be outside communing with nature...even if dogs did chase you up trees. You would come inside with oil stains all over the top of your back and dirty paws. You had a lot of baths that you never enjoyed. But you still went back out and got dirty again...because it was your joy. You were so fearless in your pure white coat and sweet demeanor. Oh you were so sweet. You would never hurt a fly. I remember the day my life took a turn, a major relationship was going to end that day. I didn't know it. But you did. I woke up to you laying on my heart...your purr resonating through my chest....preparing my heart chakra....letting me know i was going to be okay. You were a little healer. I remember the aftermath. Days upon days...years of finding myself again. You were there every day...reminding me with that purr that i wasn't alone. Your unconditional love kept my spirit alive even if i did just have to dive into your belly and cry. You never faltered. I can still hear your chirps and meows and your purr. Oh how i miss your purr. When I was pregnant, I knew how excited you were to be a little mama. But I think we both knew a storm was coming. I tried to stop it. I would wake in the middle of the night with massive anxiety about you. I would hear the coyotes outside and I would hate them...not knowing why. Our last year was hard on you and I. You always showed up and I tried as best I could to be the other half of the US that we used to be. I failed miserably. Our last day was so stressful and I wasn't there for you like I wanted to be. But you were there. Of course you were. You were my Girl. I woke up to you laying next to me. I remember. I hope you know that. I found you a good home. It was the least I could do. I don't know how, but in the last second, I manifested a home that I knew you would be okay in. I wish I would have spent more time with you...saying goodbye. With all the years between us, it was the least I could have done. But I didnt. It was too hard to say goodbye. So I shut you out and trusted that you would have good years ahead of you. You had 6 more months. I thought about you often. My feet would search for you at the foot of the bed every night. My heart would ache knowing you werent there. I just thought I would see you again....that I would have you back. I was in denial. I found out what happened to you. A wave of emotions struck me and it was hard to go on. I questioned if I could. But then someone said something profound and I knew it was you speaking to me when i was told "This was the only way Girl knew how to be close to you." You and I...to the end. You are so vivid to me now. Like I could just reach out and touch you. Looking back, I am Awakened now...because of you. I struggled with how you left....but I know you wouldnt have had it any other way...fearless and always giving of yourself. I hope you have found your cat mama whereever you are....and your brothers and sisters. You deserved to go home....I just wish it wasn't so soon. When I think back to our time together, I remember always feeling a sense of panic and anxiety over you...like there was this part of you that I was always trying to reign in...and you just wanted to go go go....go where?....home perhaps. You stayed because of me. I wouldn't have survived those years without you. When I realized I would never see you again, it was then that i knew it wasn't you who needed me...it was me who needed you. It's really hard to imagine that your little pink paws aren't frolicking on this earth anymore. I know Mother Earth bowed down to you when you passed.....bowed down in gratitude for being the best little being there ever was. It makes me sad to think that I am one of the only ones holding your memories. I don't want your memory to die too. And I wont let it. You have given me an intention to serve your community...to serve the very place that saved you for me. I planted a garden in honor of you and it's growing beautifully...as you are. You will be a regular character in our goodnight stories.....our fairy Girl frolicking frolicking frolicking with beautiful wings so you can fly fly fly and chase your butterflies....our fairy Girl...who sleeps on our chests and heals our hearts. I pray with all my being that I get to see you again...nuzzle my face in your fur. You are on your journey now. I know you are destined for an even greater experience. Up Up Up you will keep going Up. High High High. High in the sky you go. Thank you Girl for the best love and the best purr ever known. It was such an honor to walk this earth with you my friend. Love Love Love....

In honor of you ....Lady Tady. Ms. Lou Who. Girl....

Prreeeetttttyyyy Giiiirrrllll. My prreetttttyyyy Giirrrrlllllll. Yoooouuuurrr the ppreettiiest giirll in the woooooorrrlllddd. mmyyy preeetttyyyyy giiirrrrllll.